


Tied Up Together

by supercanaries



Category: Glee
Genre: Barebacking, Blaine Friendly, Bondage, Dirty Talk, Hate Sex, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Possessive Sex, Riding, Slut Shaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-08 00:43:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1920243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercanaries/pseuds/supercanaries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set between S3 and S4. Kurt moves to New York to attend college, but he decides to stay in a flat rather than the school dorms. Unfortunately, his flatmate turns out to be the last person Kurt hoped to live with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story a lot of time ago, during the summer between S3 and S4. At that time, Kurt didn't get into NYADA. We didn't even know that Sebastian wasn't a senior. Let's say you should pretend that the last episode of Glee you watched is 3x22.  
> It's based on a prompt a reader sent to me back then, and I turned it into a very long oneshot (25k words or something), therefore I split it into three parts. Pay attention to the warnings, because I don't want you to read anything you're not comfortable with.  
> Also, for the following parts, I lost control over the porn thing lol Forgive me! 
> 
> Thanks to jobelle516 for being my awesome beta-reader and always helping me out!

09/10/2012 – 06:32 pm To: Blaine: Did you have a good summer?

09/13/2013 – 00:12 pm To: Blaine: I know you probably don’t care, but I just what to know how you have been. Seriously, this is not me trying to push myself towards you again, to make you think of me, I just want to know what you are doing, what’s going on with you.

09/14/2012 – 03:34 pm To: Blaine: I’m in NYC now. I thought you wanted to share a coffee, Blaine. I respect your relationship with Kevin and I don’t want to step between the two of you. I just want to see you, I miss you as a person.

09/14/2012 – 03:45 pm To: Blaine: Okay. I’m at the station. If you want to meet me, I’ll wait right here. I hope you’ll come. No tricks, remember, just as friends.

It’s a big lie, Kurt knows.

Every single time Kurt Hummel sends a text to Blaine Anderson, it’s just because he wants at least part of what KurtAndBlaine were back; there’s no Kurt and Blaine, good friends and he also knows the reason why Blaine doesn’t text him back anymore. Of course, it hurts, but he is right: Blaine has been completely honest with him, he told him he was falling for someone else before he could cheat on him or something, and the way Kurt has made it up to him was by flirting with him in front of his new crush – who was soon to become his new boyfriend, Kevin.

If he hadn’t been so stupid and childish, Blaine and he would probably still be friend and right now he wouldn’t be wandering all alone in New York. Well, actually he isn’t wandering just yet. He’s sitting at the station waiting for someone who’s not going to come; and it’s all his fault, he has ruined their friendship which has always been even more important than their relationship.

He would want Rachel to be there with him, but he knows it’s impossible because she’s busy with NYADA schedules (Oh, look, Kurt! Rachel got in, you didn’t) that don’t give her a break even to accompany his best friend to check on the apartment he’s rented online. It hasn’t been easy though: his dad’s second heart attack – a terrible day spent after the sun of California in a terrible heat, Finn’s idea – has put them in the condition to pay for a necessary surgery operation and he doesn’t feel like asking for money again, not when he knows that his dad is going to give it to him instead of focusing on his own therapy purchases, so that his son can live easily in New York.

So, when his dad eventually started asking questions about how he is going to survive in New York, Kurt told him that he would sell his old clothes and he would earn a lot. He said he couldn’t wear old outfits in New York, because he wants to look fashionable and fabulous. Burt had smiled, but Kurt is never going to sell his old clothes away, because the older they get, the more precious they become (a fashion geek like him can’t skip on these details).

He can’t live with Rachel and not only because he knows she has met a certain Brody Weston in the dorms at NYADA, which means she won’t move anywhere. The problem is mainly that he would have been jealous: he’s happy that Rachel got into NYADA, but living with her would mean listening to her complaints about lessons or phone calls with her college mates in which she would explain in detail the schedules of a world that Kurt sadly doesn’t belong to.

Also, Kurt can’t consider the idea of living in a dorm for real: it doesn’t matter if it’s Fashion Professional Commercial Design Academy, the thought alone of leaving his precious clothes in a room the clean-up crews could walk in makes him shiver. He can’t stop thinking about his beloved Dolce & Gabbana shirt and the patches of detergent that could eventually ruin it.

In the end, he found a way out: the owner of the apartment told him that there was another person who wanted to lease it – Kurt was worried at first because if this person was richer than him, there’s no way he could win an auction – and was totally on board with sharing the apartment with someone that belonged to the same sex, which luckily Kurt was.

His first thought back then was that it had to be a serious person, not to want to risk having a relationship to focus on his goals … wow! He must be a total crackerjack. 

He doesn’t know that yet, but he’s going to find out that his future roommate wants a boy into his apartment for the opposite reasons.

Kurt stares at the time on the screen of his phone: 4:02 pm.

4:02 pm. 

He can’t believe he has spent more than fifteen minutes here, in this damn station, leant on his trolley and waiting. Waiting in vain.

He keeps his gaze looked on the screen of his iPhone and lets his fingers slide on it for one last text. 

09/14/2012 – 04:04 pm To: Blaine: I hope I’m not interrupting anything, but you could have just sent me a text to tell me you weren’t coming. I know I’ve been bad but I just wanted to see you and know that you’re okay.

He presses send but he’s quite sure he won’t get an answer this time either. 

He can’t really blame Blaine though, with all the time he’s acted like a jerk, it’s totally normal that Blaine is disappointed in him. Even though Kurt understands this, it still doesn’t mean that Blaine is supposed not to answer a simple text.

Also, Kurt can’t really spend his whole day here, he’s got a new apartment to visit, a new roommate to meet, some sleep to get to rest from the tiring trip. He’s got some things to do and waiting for Blaine isn’t going to pay back anyway, Kurt tried to ruin his relationship with his new boyfriend, of course Blaine doesn’t want to see him or talk to him.

He carries his trolley and starts walking around the streets of New York until he reaches the sidewalks where he has to wait. He doesn’t mind though, because there’s a pleasant wind today – it’s still surprising how it finds a way to blow through these enormous buildings – and it gives him this sense of novelty that New York was supposed to give him. He needs a new beginning.

He hates knowing that Blaine is going to be there for a few weeks because his boyfriend wants to show him his college, but also knows for sure that Blaine is going to go back to Lima; when it’ll happen, Kurt is going to feel better, as if the miles between them can make the pain slide away slightly – mostly because they make it easier for Kurt to believe that Blaine never existed.

That’s not what he wants obviously, but if Blaine doesn’t want to be friends because he doesn’t trust Kurt anymore – for good reasons, Kurt repeats to himself – all that he can do to feel better is forget. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible either (at least that’s what he’s telling himself to feel better).

He patiently waits until a taxi stops in front of him and he puts the black smooth big bags in. 

He gets in too and gives the driver his address – his new address in New York, his new beginning; the man nods sure. Kurt wonders how he can remember all the streets in New York without a navigator, but then he realizes that maybe he’s just assigned to this part of the city; also, the man doesn’t look too young, so he’s been living in New York for a while now, probably.

He relaxes into his seat and decides that he’s going to stop wondering about everything at least for this small trip. The man turns on the stereo and Kurt doesn’t recognize the song – which is totally annoying – so he doesn’t even hum to it. He just watches out of the car window, exploring his new town with his eyes.

The truth is that for so long – seeing as he didn’t get into NYADA – Kurt had thought that he wasn’t going to get to New York. He resigned to the idea that, with Finn joining the army, he was going to stay in Lima, take care of his dad’s shop; it was his dad though who insisted for him to go, buying him a ticket. If it weren’t for him, he would still work at the Lima Bean like someone supposed last year (not someone, something; you can be defined something when you’re a human being at least, and that wasn’t the case).

The drive isn’t as long as he thought it’d be and he leaves tip to the driver who thanks him with a smile, before he disappears. Kurt immediately realizes than in such a big town, there must be like hundreds of drivers, so there’s a fair chance he’s never going to see the man again. Not that he cares specifically about him, it’s just that he’s realizing that nothing is going to be like Lima: except for his flat mate – he hopes they get on good terms at this point – he has no idea how to spend his time in the Big Apple; Rachel is constantly busy with lessons and NYADA schedules and when she’s not, she’s probably around Mr. Brody Weston (not that he blames her; Rachel has shown him some photos and Kurt thinks it’s impossible not to spend some time with him, he’s practically the living definition of the word attractive) and he has no idea who he is going to meet at college. 

While he lifts his eyes towards the building in front of him, he can’t help but think that walking over this threshold might mean a lot: if his roommate is lovely, his night will be awesome. If he is not, he’s going to play the third wheel with Rachel and Brody.

He crosses his fingers and closes his eyes, feeling particularly stupid in doing it. Then, he breathes in deeply, only to make himself more ridiculous in front of the wandering New York crowd, and he finally steps in.

He has no idea how the air he is breathing can be relieving and making him feel comfortable, he hopes this is a good sign and starts walking around, searching for the elevator. It doesn’t take him long to find it, at the end of a long tight hallway, and he’s thankful that he doesn’t suffer claustrophobia, because he wouldn’t survive walking daily in these small spaces otherwise.

He patiently waits for the elevator to come down after he’s pressed the button, keeping the trolley jealously pressed against his body, since it holds a fortune in wardrobe.

He spends his time in the elevator hoping that the person who is supposed to live with him is sweet and lovely.

He panics when he suddenly realizes that he might be some sort of homophobe idiot, which means that Kurt should spend every single day in his life pretending that he’s not gay. Again, how didn’t he consider that his homosexuality might be a problem in this? It was like that during high school, so it wouldn’t surprise him to play that back in New York. Bullying among the flat mates, who knows how popular this is in the Big Apple?

Maybe he just needs to take another breath. He should check on the situation first and then, if it’s necessary, he would need to find another apartment to share because he can’t afford one alone. He doesn’t have the right economical faculties for that now.

No.

This isn’t really the ideal situation, what is he going to do? There’s a fair chance he won’t even find another roommate who’s willing to share by now, when the semester is about to start. He is not going to sleep in the dorms and allow strangers to touch his precious clothes. How can he not panic at such a thought?

When the doors of the elevator open, they produce a metallic ticking that sounds terribly like a clock bomb in Kurt’s mind: a few seconds, a hallway, a door, a boy and then his clothes might be ruined forever (maybe he’s going to have to pay an extra tax to get a room at college now, or maybe he’s just overreacting on everything).

He finally decides to lift the trolley with his hands held together, just a little, to put it out of the elevator, and reach for the hallway, walking through it and carrying the bag with him.

He reaches for the door, after he’s made sure that the number on the door is the same as the one he wrote down after speaking, on the phone, with the owner.

47, perfect.

He coughs nervously, with his hand closed in a fist in the air, in front of the door and when he does, he notices that the apartment isn’t empty. He can hear the voice of the owner behind the door, and it sounds like he’s describing the apartment to someone. Then he also hears steps around the flat.

He hesitates for a second more, and then he decides that he’s going to knock on this door. He tries to think that it’s because he doesn’t want the owner to repeat everything from the start when he can avoid it, but the truth at that he’s anxious to meet his roommate who is probably waiting behind his door. He knocks then, with his hand, before he realizes there’s a doorbell. Of course. He’s already looked like a peasant from Lima, Ohio, knocking on the door instead of using the doorbell. 

He panics again at the realization … what if he’s going to be treated differently because of that too? Not only he is gay, but he’s not even a New York gay. He’s just an Ohio homosexual. That makes it so much worse.

His life is just about to turn into a disaster, so maybe he’d better walk away, run, before he can find himself fighting a war he can’t win.

He’s just about to walk back and run away, call the owner on the phone and tell him he had changed his mind, when the door opens in front of him. He finds himself in front of a gorgeous blond, blue-eyed guy with tanned skin that is looking at him with a bright smile. He’s young, almost the same age as Kurt – he can see it in his skin – and he’s inviting him to walk in.

Kurt hesitates for a moment. If this is his roommate, he already loves New York and his college life. A handsome guy is enough for him to change his mind. He smiles embarrassed and walks to where the boy is nodding, walking into the apartment and looking around: it’s big, bright, so much better than he had expected (yeah, it costs him half of the price, he suddenly remembers).

He leans the trolley against the white sofa – great part of the furniture is white. He turns to his right and he stares at the kitchen with his mouth wide open: it’s modern and smooth. God, he’s going to love cooking in here with such a handsome boy living with him and such a huge fridge also. Everything is planned on contrast between whites/grays and strong dark reds. It’s sober, intriguing somehow.

He smiles amused because Kurt Hummel must pay attention to the décor. He’s got taste and even though the kitchen is pretty awesome, there’s so much more to see, so he turns to the left instead.

His blood freezes in his vein immediately.

This can’t be happening.

It’s probably a nightmare.

It must be a nightmare.

There’s another person in the room.

Sebastian Smythe, that Sebastian Smythe, is here, leaning against the back of the sofa, one hand on Kurt’s trolley (he dares to put his filthy hands on Kurt’s trolley?), and an annoying smirk on his face, green arrogant eyes staring at Kurt in amusement as his face fills with panic.

“Look who’s here.” His ironic voice teases and Kurt, hearing it, feels like he’s about to hit him.

“This can’t be happening!” He murmurs, looking down.

He doesn’t want this apartment anymore, doesn’t want anything. The world is so big, why the hell has it to be Sebastian Smythe? It’s unbelievable. There’s only one good explanation: Sebastian is the owner of the apartment (Yes, Kurt would convince himself of anything that could justify Sebastian’s presence there).

“Believe me, I’m as shocked as you are.” Sebastian murmurs and Kurt is sure about the fact that he doesn’t really mind from the smirk on his face. He’s probably just amused.

It’s not funny, no way.

“Any problems?” The owner asks – Kurt feels so disappointed now that he can see the two of them standing in front of him, looking at Sebastian, then to Kurt. “Is there something wrong with the apartment?” He asks, clearly worried.

“No, there isn’t.” Kurt answers, serious. “The apartment is perfect. It’s just him, he’s an idiot.” He points at Sebastian who just shrugs. “I don’t want to share an apartment with you!” He starts dramatically, so much that Sebastian Smythe in the flesh looks at the owner embarrassed.

“Would you mind leaving us alone, Eric? Just for a moment.” Sebastian asks softly.

The owner, Eric, looks confused at the question, maybe because he is trying to understand if something had been going on between the two of them. Eventually, he raises his hands, giving up.

“I guess so. You are supposed to share an apartment, so maybe you should take your time to make some things clear.” He answers, stepping towards the door. “I’ll go check the other apartments are good too and when I come back, I hope you’ve decided … well, I don’t know about what exactly. See you later!” He says as he leaves.

The silence falling between them is embarrassing. They look at each other, study each other like two enemies who are searching for a weak spot to hit with no mercy or kindness. Or at least, that’s the scene in Kurt’s eyes.

“Listen up, gay face,” Sebastian breaks the silence, “we can … make this thing work if we try hard enough. It can’t be too bad living together. I’ll ignore you and your girl clothes and you’ll ignore me and my fuck buddies.”

Kurt’s eyelids widen at the words. Not only the idea of having Sebastian wandering around his apartment is disgusting, but thinking about Sebastian having sex in his place totally makes him sick.

“That’s gross.” He says wincing, moving to grab his trolley. He pulls it, forcing Sebastian to take his filthy hands off of it while he stares at Kurt confused. “Goodbye Sebastian, it was a displeasure to see you again.” He steps back, but Sebastian readily grabs his wrist.

Kurt’s gaze immediately falls to where Sebastian’s fingers wrap around his wrist, holding it firmly. It bothers him so much; he feels every muscle of his body stiffen so that he can keep from hitting Sebastian, because Kurt isn’t that kind of person.

“Please,” Sebastian begs though, and Kurt is totally shocked and hangs there with his mouth wide open. Luckily, Sebastian adds something to it, because Kurt is so stunned that he isn’t sure he can even ask what this is about. “My parents won’t give me a dollar, I’ve wasted all I had on alcohol and stupid stuff, and I can’t afford renting a flat all alone.”

Kurt lifts his eyebrows because he has no idea why Sebastian thinks Kurt is going to take pity on him. He doesn’t want to help him, especially if Sebastian keeps on holding his wrist so unkindly. He tugs to get free of the hold, but Sebastian is too glued to him to let go, so Kurt eventually just sighs.

“Find another-”

“I can’t,” Sebastian answers immediately, wincing and making Kurt understand that if he could, he would rather have anyone else in his place, “Lessons will start soon and just an idiot like you could still be flat-less by now.” He notices and Kurt would lift his eyebrows even more if it were possible.

“You’re kidding, right?” He asks immediately, “You’re an idiot too, we’re taking this flat … together, this means that you weren’t smart enough to do so before just like me.” He says, but Sebastian is already rolling his eyes.

“Okay, have it, just two idiots like us could still be flat-less by now.” He corrects and when Kurt nods, he lets go of his wrist. “I really want to go to college. I would be a disappointment to the whole Smythe family if I didn’t, I’d be … the black sheep and I don’t want that. If I end up not going to college, it’s going to be your fault. You’d ruin my life just because you don’t want to share a stupid apartment.”

Kurt tightens his eyelids murderously.

“Are you kidding me? I don’t want to share a stupid apartment? Do you have any idea about who you are? You tried to steal my boyfriend and when you failed, you tried to blind him, unwittingly though because it was me you wanted to hit. Realizing this wasn’t enough for you, you blackmailed Rachel, who is my best friend, to post on the internet embarrassing and photoshopped pictures of my step brother. Do you have any idea how much I fucking hate you for what you did to me?”

Sebastian rolls his eyes and in that moment Kurt knows he is keeping from saying something mean or insulting him just because it’s not useful to his task at all.

“I know,” he groans, almost sick about himself for saying it, “Believe me, Kurt, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been that much of a bitch with you. I’d be an asshole anyway, but that was too much; and, believe me, it would have been so much worse if the slushie hit you …” He whispers before noticing that Kurt’s just disappointed. 

“Could you at least try and not to look like you’re about to vomit when you say stuff like this?” He asks, annoyed, while he lifts an eyebrow, “You know, you’re not really believable and even if you were, there’s no way I’m living with you.”

Sebastian sighs and puts his hands on his hips, holding them tightly and looking down towards the floor.

“What’s your choice then?” He asks, looking back at Kurt after his fast thinking. Kurt winces and he’s about to answer, though Sebastian seems like he doesn’t want to give him a chance to. “How come you’re here? I thought you would have preferred staying in a dorm with shrieking ladies like you instead of a shared apartment. How come you’re here?” He asks again, but it only makes Kurt wince once more.

“It’s none of your business.” Kurt complains. “All you need to know is that I won’t waste my money to live the annoyance of having to share my space with you. I wouldn’t throw my money away like this!”

Kurt doesn’t even realize he’s so loud now, loud enough to make the room become silent when he ends the sentence. Before he realizes, they’re already having their first New York fight and it must be some kind of proof of how they really can’t live together. They started fighting before they even became flat mates.

They stay like this, in silence, looking anywhere but at each other, thinking about everything and nothing, and that’s just because it has become embarrassing. They’ve known each other for years and they’d never quitted the banter, but they’ve never fought so loudly, and maybe that’s just because they didn’t have a chance to be alone like this.

“Kurt.”

He lifts his gaze when Sebastian speaks and he tries to read his face. He isn’t used to looking at him without that arrogant smirk, so he has to admit it, it’s weird to see him like this, when he seems serious, like he wants to talk to Kurt for real. For a moment, Kurt feels like everything is up to him; it’s up to him to choose about their apartment, about Sebastian’s money and how he could use them somehow.

He hates the way it makes him feel guilty: no matter how much he hates Sebastian, he isn’t the kind of person who knew how to play with someone’s future anyway.

They stay in silence just a few moments more and Kurt thinks about how guilty he is going to feel later eventually and if it’s right to feel like this. Sebastian had always been a bastard to him, he had never respected Kurt or anything that dealt with him, so he feels stupid for the way he feels now towards a person who was so mean to him.

“Fine.” It’s his last comment, while he keeps his gaze down and doesn’t look at Sebastian, like he wants him to understand that this won’t change things between them anyway. “Okay, I’ll pay my part and I’ll stay here, that’s fine. But you better know that I’m doing this just because it bores me to search for another apartment right now. You and I won’t talk to each other if it’s not necessary; you don’t exist and don’t deserve my attentions, and it’s already too much that I’m sharing my air with you.”

Surprisingly, Sebastian doesn’t answer.

When Kurt lifts his eyes, he stares at him while he listens. When Sebastian startles, Kurt realizes that maybe he felt a little hurt at the words and he showed it more than he actually wanted.

“I swear that if I didn’t despise you that much, I could hug you now.” He says, lifting an eyebrow and smirking, so that Kurt knows that he’s come back to himself.

“Fine,” he says again, swallowing just barely and trying not to allow this conversation to become embarrassing, “So I’ll be arranging my stuff if you don’t mind. It’s already frustrating that you’re here, so please don’t talk unless it’s important, so my mind can take a break, since I’m supposed to study.” He says, wearing a sarcastic smile as he starts pulling his trolley around the apartment.

He stops in the middle of the room when he realizes that he has no idea where to go. He was following his instincts, but he hasn’t seen the apartment yet, so he doesn’t know where his room is.

He turns to Sebastian, a wondering look on his face, and he’s a little shocked at the sorry and guilty face Sebastian is giving him, especially because he has no idea what is causing it. For a moment, he almost thinks that he might feel sorry for all that he did to Kurt and that maybe he was about to apologize.

“I have to tell you something,” Sebastian murmurs instead and Kurt thinks it must be a huge deal if Sebastian isn’t using his usual arrogant tone of voice, so he crosses his arms to his chest, sighing, well aware of the fact that the bad news isn’t over yet. “There’s just one bedroom.”

***

The only positive thing about their cohabitation is that their college schedules are pretty different. Sebastian is studying law and almost all his lessons are in the afternoon; Kurt comes back then from his morning classes, so he can enjoy his apartment without that sick snake around.

The rest, all the rest is just crap.

Sebastian is easy, Kurt has always been quite aware of it, but he didn’t think he could be that easy. They share the room and one of his worst nightmares is night. Sebastian doesn’t know a thing about respect; he keeps on bringing his hook-ups in the room and Kurt is forced to turn in his own bed – thank God at least they have two beds – with music in his headphones so loud that it practically rapes his ears not to listen to moans and the whines. It’s frustrating because things are completely different for Kurt. He doesn’t look for one night stands and Sebastian if freaking attracted to every human being that has got a dick. The simple awareness of what happens behind his back – even without looking or listening – is making him spend most of his nights sleepless, which is horrible because it has an impact on his lessons at college: he doesn’t pay attention, he almost falls asleep during his periods the next day. 

Like that isn’t enough, Sebastian – who should feel at least a little guilty for his inappropriate attitude – doesn’t waste any occasion to make fun of him; there are nights when Sebastian just can’t go out and hook-up because his student duty – he surprisingly cares about – forces him and then they can’t avoid each other between those walls. Everything starts with a joke about the way Kurt dresses, every single thing Kurt does and then suddenly fights and real insults come in.

Kurt has lost the count of all the times he’s said to Sebastian that he’s nothing but a slut that ruins everybody’s life (which is so much for Kurt who has never insulted anybody like this in his whole life) during those destructive fights.

He had thought so many times about leaving Sebastian there paying the rent all alone and just disappearing for a few days. He was curious to find out how Sebastian would have dealt with it, considering that his parents had stopped paying for him for reasons Kurt doesn’t know a thing about. He would if only for the satisfaction of seeing Sebastian begging him to come back or something. Or maybe it’s just because he needs a few days away from Sebastian before he goes through a nervous breakdown. 

He is so stupidly nervous that he makes the mistake of rushing things again while he was instead trying to slowly rebuild up a relationship, as he is sitting at the table of their apartment this afternoon.

09/27/2012 – 05:01 pm To: Blaine: Tomorrow is going to be two weeks since I’ve moved here. I really need someone to talk to. I’m about to breakdown. Sometimes I get so angry that I feel like my head is exploding and I’m passing out. I can’t take this anymore, and I know I’m bothering you, but Rachel is so freaking busy with NYADA and I just need to talk about it with someone because I feel uncomfortable and scared. I can’t keep living like this in New York. I’m about to jump on the first train and go back to Lima.

Surprisingly though, things don’t go the way he expected them to.

He puts the phone on the table and focuses on his notes, trying to remember all the combinations of colors and the meanings related. It stays like this, murmuring information with his eyes closed until the phone throbs, making him startle.

He takes it in his fingers and slides his thumb on the touch, shivering a little when he reads that the text is from Blaine.

09/27/2012 – 05:17 pm From: Blaine: Hey, what’s up? You haven’t been this nervous since Sebastian salt-slushied me. What’s going on?

Kurt winces a little while a few considerations run through him quickly. First of all, he’s shocked to realize that everytime he loses his nerves and turns into some crazy animal, it’s only because of Sebastian, it doesn’t matter that it’s been a year since the last time. He’s the only human being who is so sick to make him mad.

The second realization is unpleasant. Blaine didn’t reply his texts for more than a month and now that he’s done so, he isn’t even apologizing. It’s awkward that he seems so calm, it’s like they kept in touch for all this time and Kurt has no idea what this is supposed to mean, but it hurts somehow, it hurts a lot.

He doesn’t care now though. The only thing he wants in this very moment is that he’s found someone who’s willing to listen. It doesn’t matter that it’s Blaine (that Blaine), so he texts back quickly, almost like he’s afraid Blaine might realize he actually texted Kurt back.

09/27/2012 – 05:24 pm To: Blaine: Sebastian. I need help. I know you might think it’s just an excuse to get in touch with you or something, but I swear I really need to talk. If I don’t vent, I’m going to explode. No aims in here and I get it if you don’t want to talk to me, but I want you to know it’s not just a way to … you know, whatever you might think it is.

He knows that whatever is going through Blaine’s head right now would totally make sense. That’s why he’s pretty sure that Blaine is not going to allow it. Well, it means he’ll have to bother Rachel.

When his iPhone throbs again though, Kurt is totally surprised and shocked.

09/27/2012 – 05:28 pm From: Blaine: I’m at Kev’s for the weekend. Wanna come over and have a coffee?

Kurt smiles spontaneously. He really doesn’t want to hit on Blaine to get him back, nothing like that. He’s just happy that he has a chance to see him and talk to someone about his problem.

09/27/2012 – 05:30 pm To: Blaine: Ok. Gimme the address and I’ll be there. Thanks. 

He doesn’t get a reply for the moment, but he’s still grinning as he stares at the screen when Sebastian comes out of the hallway, making him startle. 

He realizes too late that startling in front of Sebastian, almost jolting in his chair, only gives Sebastian a brand new chance to make fun of him. Well, he won’t care, not today.

“Are you okay?” Sebastian asks sarcastically, throwing his own bag onto the couch – yeah, Kurt tells him not to do so every single day – “You were staring at your phone and you’re starting to creep me out. I guess you’ve finally found out how to jerk off to porn, but could you please keep that in the bedroom?”

Kurt shakes his head, closing his textbox and puts his phone back on the table. And then he’s focused on his notes again as he tries to ignore Sebastian’s stupid jokes, considering that he has an important exam coming and he won’t allow that arsehole to screw it.

But it’s probably not his lucky day because Sebastian doesn’t give up just yet. If there’s something Kurt’s learned about Sebastian is how childish he can be. He can’t stand the idea of not being the center of everyone’s attention. Getting ignored is the worst torture to him.

“Look, you really don’t need to pretend that you were studying.” He moves in and sits on a chair, opposite to Kurt. “I mean, I fuck in our room all the time, so I can’t judge you or anything. Just … if you’ll end up having lady sex with your friend, you know, the one with the trunk, could you not do it here? The idea of lesbian sex makes me even sicker than straight couples making out.”

Kurt keeps his eyes focused on his sheets, turning pages and trying to ignore whatever Sebastian is saying because he knows how much Sebastian hates it. Of course, Sebastian won’t give up yet.

“You should probably go back to jacking off. I didn’t mean to interrupt you. Since your hand is probably the only sexual company you might ever get, I would be way too rude to keep you from doing that. Maybe it was your first time. Had you ever touched yourself before? Oh wait, is there something to touch down there?”

Kurt bites the inside of his mouth because living with Sebastian is totally having a bad influence on him. For a moment, he’s about to reply that, if he wants, he can touch himself to see if there’s something there. Because there is and Kurt is pretty sure it’s quite relevant even.

But he doesn’t.

“You know what? I’m sure you’ve never even touched yourself before; I mean, if I were you, I would never jack off because you suck so bad I’d be embarrassed to touch myself-”

“Shut up!” Kurt yells, finally looking up to meet his eyes. Sebastian lifts his eyebrows in surprise at the reaction. “You’re pathetic. I’ve been here for two weeks and you’re just repeating your ridiculous lines all the time. Get a life, and by that I don’t mean screw a different person every night because that’s not living. It’s just what you came down to because you’re awful and no one would want to spend more than 20 minutes with you.”

The tiny weakness Sebastian is showing him - his lips slightly parted as he blinks - gets washed off when Sebastian leans over the table and towards Kurt.

“You don’t have to be jealous, Kurt.” He says amused. “I realize that no one would even spend a night with you because they’d be so scared to find out what’s in there. And I also know that, for whatever reason Blaine dumped you – I’m sure it was a good one, you’re still hurt because you’re aware that no one will ever be willing to go through your breakdowns during period again, but you don’t have to be jealous of me because of that.”

Kurt feels weak.

He feels weak and humiliated and has to keep himself from swallowing at the thought that someone might use such a mean personal thing against him.

“I’m not jealous of you.” He whispers weakly, standing up and gathering his things, as he winces in disgust. “There’s nothing to be jealous about. I could be jealous of a person, a human being, but you’re just a hole to fill up and I don’t see what there’s to envy about that.”

Sebastian is already smugly opening his mouth to reply but Kurt is walking away from him, so he follows the movement with his gaze.

“At least someone does fill me!” He complains, staring in confusion when Kurt comes out of the bedroom as he puts on his coat. “Hey, where the hell are you going?” He stands up abruptly. “It’s raining the ocean out there, you can’t go out.”

Kurt lets the coat fit along his arms and then he looks up to Sebastian again, even though he doesn’t manage to hide the moisture in his eyes, that weakness he totally didn’t want to show him.

“I’m sorry that the fact that we share this apartment makes you think you own my life too.” He passes by Sebastian and walks to the door. “At least I have a life.” He whispers, one last disdainful look before he gets to the door. 

“What life, Kurt?” Sebastian asks from behind him, spreading his arms, annoyed and bothered at the way Kurt’s snubbing him. “The fact that I ignore you all the time doesn’t mean I don’t see what you’re doing. Do you think you can call that a life? You spend all your days waiting for a text.”

Kurt sighs and he turns to him, one last time.

“Wow. Since you’re so attentive about details, I’m surprised you thought I was jerking off to porn. I wasn’t waiting for a text. I just got one.” He smiles falsely at him. “I hope you’re happy for me.” He snaps ironically and before Sebastian can reply, he’s out of that apartment.

***

During the next day, they have some sort of break.

Not that they’ve actually settled up for a deal because from the moment Kurt came back to their apartment, they ignored each other. 

Kurt isn’t sure how to feel about that. There’s a small part of him that wants to apologize to Sebastian, but it’s just because he’s a good boy. He knows Sebastian isn’t going to do the same, but he also knows he isn’t the kind of person who says that kind of things, he doesn’t get so offensive. Not that he feels sorry towards Sebastian because it’s not like Sebastian was hurt at his words, but his conscience isn’t clean and he knows it won’t until he does apologize.

And yet he has to admit that Sebastian doesn’t seem to agree. He doesn’t even look at Kurt, which is not that bad, considering that it means he’s also not insulting him. Kurt knows it’s momentary, but he wants to enjoy the calm for now.

He knows that there’s going to be a moment when Sebastian won’t be able to bite the inside of his mouth to keep himself anymore (Kurt can see he does even though Sebastian tries to hide it) and he will throw some insult at him, and everything will go back to the way they are with each other. 

It’s stupid of him to think about it now but Kurt had thought Sebastian couldn’t have any effect on his broken heart right now; not when he’s sitting on the couch with Blaine opposite to him, a cup of hot tea in his hands. But he kind of has an effect. Kurt looks down and sighs, trying to keep it discreet so that his ex-boyfriend won’t notice, because Blaine kindly offered his help in this situation and Kurt can’t be unkind enough to pay him back with all this awkwardness, or worse, with resentment. 

“So, do you want to talk about it?” Blaine asks, his sweet voice sounding as perfect as ever, “You don’t look well, Kurt. You’re always so concerned about your skin, but I can see bags under your eyes.”

Memories of their daily life in the past don’t help the situation, but because he knows Blaine, Kurt is sure he’s not doing it on purpose. He probably didn’t even consider that it might hurt Kurt, otherwise he wouldn’t have said that (or maybe Blaine is totally underlining it on purpose, because he thinks hearing that will make Kurt stronger and more aware about their break-up).

“It’s …” Kurt hesitates for long before he actually manages to pronounce the name; he hasn’t said anything to Blaine about the situation yet, “about Sebastian.”

Blaine lifts his triangular eyebrows, a smile suddenly arching on his face as surprise lights up his hazel eyes.

“Wow, I didn’t-”

“No, oh my God!” Kurt cuts in immediately when he realizes what’s going on in Blaine’s mind. “I didn’t mean it that way! It’s quite the opposite actually. I can’t take this anymore, we’re living together and-” Fuck. That sounds pretty bad too. 

“Sebastian and you? Wow, I have to say I’ve never thought you guys could … get together, but things can change eventually?” Blaine shrugs and smiles. “I mean, maybe we could go out on double dates, that would be cute, and I’d like to know how Sebastian is doing.”

The fact itself that Blaine is even considering Sebastian and he as a couple makes something clench uncomfortably in Kurt’s stomach, and that’s not only because the idea of it totally makes him sick, but because Blaine doesn’t even look a little jealous at the idea that Kurt might be dating someone else (well, it’s like he should be jealous, but Kurt he would be, just a little).

“We’re not dating.” He utters, before it goes too far. “And we’re not even friends actually. It was pretty random, we wanted to get the same apartment and we were both having a rough time, so we had the worst idea ever aka sharing so that we spent half of the money.” Blaine’s expression goes back to normal, so Kurt continues. “He’s making my life impossible, I have to stand his disgusting sexual encounters all the time, I have to go through his insults when I need to stay focused on my studies, and he even ‘accidentally’ stained my linen shirt with coffee …”

“Kurt,” Blaine interrupts and Kurt looks at him immediately, “Don’t tell me you didn’t see this coming.” He sounds like he’s scolding him almost. “Sebastian and you can’t even breathe the same air, this was doomed to happen. Why did you even accept to live with him if you knew this was going to happen?”

Kurt sighs and rolls his eyes.

“Believe me, you have no idea.” He sinks against the back of the couch. “Sebastian is so much worse than he seemed in high school. I thought I was going to survive his stupid jokes and inappropriate comments but that’s not it. I realized I had better expectations about him, can you believe it?”

Blaine leans in then, elbows on his knees and thumbs stroking the cup in his hands as he sits opposite to Kurt.

“Maybe you just need to relax, Kurt. If you want another apartment, I can talk to Kev. I don’t think it would be a problem if you stayed here until you find a new one. Even though I think, you know, it’s so not you to give up like this instead of fighting back.” He shrugs and looks at Kurt. “Maybe Sebastian and you just need to face things in a different way. You should stop teasing each other for once and just talk about the fact that you live together and when people share an apartment, it’s important to respect each other’s spaces, otherwise it might drive you crazy.”

Kurt shivers at the painful realization that Blaine found out so many things, he grew up with another person and it wasn’t him. They always planned on growing up together. They might have been joking but Kurt is sure there was something serious in the way they were speaking about it. It’s one of the things that have him thinking that he’s not a teenager anymore and that all those teen illusions can’t be part of his way of thinking anymore. All those projects made during adolescence have been blown away, there’s nothing but an occasional friendship now.

“You tried to talk to him, didn’t you? To tell him that he’s driving you crazy?” Blaine asks, but Kurt’s eyes go wide, like he’s panicking at the thought alone of it. “No, God, Kurt, not like that.” Blaine corrects. “I meant the fact that it might have consequences on your college grade. I don’t think Sebastian is that awful to take responsibilities with that.”

Kurt rolls his eyes because Blaine has totally no idea who they’re talking about. And yet he’s sure that Sebastian and he had some kind of friendship in high school. So Blaine should know.

“He is destroying me, Blaine. I swear I have never met such an egoistic asshole. He doesn’t care about anything.” He breathes in for a moment. “He has sex with randoms in the same room where I sleep, and he doesn’t even ask for permission or apologize for that. He’s the most horrible person on earth, maybe in the whole universe.” Kurt complains, realizing that it wouldn’t even be an exaggeration. 

“Wow … I think I’ve never noticed.” Blaine says, looking down thoughtfully as if he’s trying to remember something about Sebastian that could make him guess he was like this indeed.

Kurt wants to tell him that of course Blaine didn’t know because if he did, Kurt’s senior year would have been so much better. He wouldn’t have to through all the problems he had with having to stand the way Sebastian flirted with Blaine when they were dating. If Blaine wouldn’t have been so needy to get compliments, he would have realized back then how awful Sebastian is.

“I know, I mean … I knew that he was no good, but even if I spent days at the Lima Bean insulting him, I couldn’t have imagined he was this terrible.” Kurt sighs at the thought of all the offensive things they’ve thrown at each other since they started live together. “At first, it was stupid jokes and stuff, and I don’t want to be offensive because you know I’m not like that and I feel guilty even if he insults me right back,” Blaine nods, sipping from his cup.

“I know,” he says, putting the cup down for a moment, “I know what kind of person you are. And I understand that you might feel guilty because coming down to his level must be exhausting.” He sighs but then he looks up to Kurt. “But I just don’t get how you guys could agree on living together, you know each other. I mean, life in New York is already hard without this new amount of stress, isn’t it?”

Kurt groans because Blaine is so right and he has no idea how Sebastian looked so desperate to move Kurt so that he would accept.

“I feel like I’m on the edge, really.” He utters, fidgeting with his fingers on his thighs and wrinkling his lips. “I’m so nervous that I could breakdown and cry right now, and I’m not sure I would ever realize.”

For long moments, they stay in silence and Kurt takes advantage of it to think about what happened, to remember the words, the faces, anything. He should stop thinking about it but Sebastian had gone hard on him and hurt him in his open wounds; that’s what makes it harder to forget. For a moment, Kurt doesn’t even remember he is still sitting with Blaine.

“Can I give you some advice?” Blaine asks suddenly, so Kurt has to look up to him again. He nods, so Blaine continues. “I know it might seem stupid at first but K and I found a strange way to … calm ourselves down when we’re nervous.”

Kurt lifts his eyebrows, chewing his lip because he’s afraid that Blaine is going to let out some detail about their ‘intimate’ life and Kurt is so not ready for that, not when he feels so vulnerable. And yet again, here he is, nodding because he knows that by now he’s willing to accept anything that might help him fix this situation.

“Okay, but you have to promise not to judge before I’m done explaining.” 

That doesn’t come out too well, but Kurt knows that Blaine is a little overdramatic sometimes, so he’s probably exaggerating. He nods once more and waits for an explanation – actually for his salvation. 

“Okay, it’s bondage, it’s-” Blaine spits out but Kurt is already looking shocked and Blaine notices. “Huh-uh. You don’t get to judge before I’m done, remember?” Kurt wrinkles his lips. How is he going to listen to this? It’s crazy. What could bondage possibly have to do with it at all?

“I really don’t think that can help.” He whispers, trying not to voice his thoughts about where his sweet high school Blaine has gone. He feels he’s throwing their sex life in his face or something. “I don’t even know what that has to do with me,” He groans and Blaine leans in to put his cup on the table again.

“I’m not talking about that in bed,” Blaine shakes his head at Kurt’s skeptical face, “Yeah, I mean, it is sexual but there’s more than that. They hold some lessons at a center close to here and … well, we found out it can help you find your focus and get over your nerves. It’s helpful for stress and-”

“Blaine.” Kurt rolls his eyes, aware that his next words are going to hurt and make him feel embarrassed to death. “You know I have no one to practice that with, don’t you? You are the last person I slept with.”

It hurts.

The confession is just painful, it’s so much more. It wounds his pride too because Kurt he’s realizing that he wasn’t capable of having sex with anyone which makes his sexual life just as boring as Sebastian said it was.

“I told you it’s not sexual.” Blaine ignores the confession luckily. “During lessons, they teach you how to do it, there are also some interesting tools. I can assure you that it’s relaxing … and there are so many things about it, I had no idea. It’s not extreme; it’s just a way to soothe your body and your brain. I swear it works.”

Kurt still looks skeptical. His eyebrow is lifted and he can’t stop chewing his lower lip. 

“I’m not sure.” He murmurs again, looking away from Blaine as he blushes. “I don’t think it would be helpful. Like, why would I need it? What for?” He asks hesitantly and looks up when he hears Blaine rummaging in the little drawers beside the couch. He pulls out some magazines.

“You can give it a try though.” Blaine shrugs. “You could go to one lesson and see if it helps you out. The first one is free, so it’s not like you’re forced to go to the next ones. It would just be a way to get some relax. Let’s call it a distraction.”

Kurt sighs in slowly. He really doesn’t want to give this a try, it’s so inappropriate and he has no idea how Blaine could suggest it; and yet, he has to admit, his gaze wandered down curious to the magazines in Blaine’s hands, which means he kind of wants to find out more now.

He sighs more evidently and Blaine lifts his eyebrows, trying to hide the little smile arching on his face. Kurt’s heart aches a little as he remembers about Blaine’s enthusiasm when Kurt accepted his suggestions; but being in this apartment, with Kevin’s spiritual ghost filling the space makes him understand that it’s finally time to turn this page and surrendering to the idea that Blaine and he will always be friends. That’s it.

“Maybe I could do that,” He murmurs, looking down again as he tries to avoid Blaine’s growing smile. He knows he should get used to this, but he just doesn’t feel like doing it now.

“It’s okay.” Blaine hands the magazines. “You can keep them for a few days to mark the schedule of the lessons or anything you need. Maybe you could bring them over to Kevin if I’m back to Lima already.”

“Hmm okay.” Kurt looks up again, taking the magazines and being very careful not to touch Blaine’s hand in the progress. “I was never the kind of boy to be into these things, but-”

“Kurt,” Blaine says and Kurt just stares at him for once, “Can I be honest with you?” He asks sincerely and Kurt has no idea what he means, “Can I just say what I think without either of us being embarrassed?”

“Sure.” Kurt whispers, but he actually feels unsure. This conversation has been taking the wrong directions so many times already, he’s not sure he won’t be embarrassed to what Blaine is going to say next.

“You’re not the way you think you are.” Blaine says cryptically. “I mean, I dated you and I can’t understand why you keep on underestimating your sexuality. You’re dominant in bed, I know it, and maybe you should start reconsidering yourself too.”

Kurt does blush and maybe the room feels just a little hotter at Blaine’s words. Blaine doesn’t look like he is going to stop because of that though. It’s like he thinks this conversation might actually help Kurt feel better.

“I have no idea why you have such little consideration of yourself when it comes to that. Maybe you should take some of the estimation you have for your person and put it in the way you see your body too. You’re handsome, Kurt – I mean it – and may find out many things that you didn’t even think could please you, but they actually do.”

Kurt rolls his eyes, panic slowly building inside him. He knows that Blaine is trying to be supportive but it’s not going to help; Kurt lives with Sebastian and living with Sebastian has only one advantage: he’s one hundred per cent sure of what Sebastian says to him; when Sebastian insults his looks, Kurt knows that Sebastian is being brutally honest, so being with him every single day kind of makes it harder for him to build proper self-esteem in that field.

Kurt is okay with it. There are things about him he’s proud of, so the fact that he might not be ideal when it comes to attractiveness doesn’t hurt that much.

“I really don’t think bondage would be in my kinks,” He shrugs, “but maybe I can try and see how relaxing it can be. It’s not like I have any other ideas to survive Sebastian, really. I’m running out of those.”

Blaine nods, but Kurt can read on his face that he’s not satisfied with the answer. It’s probably because Kurt ignored most of his encouraging speech.

“I guess I should go,” he says a little awkwardly, just trying to avoid that this situation gets any weirder. He stands up, holding the little magazines Blaine gave him and staring as Blaine is making his way to the door, no further complaint. 

They say their goodbyes quickly, then Kurt takes care of hiding the magazines in the internal pockets of his jacket, because he has no intention of walking along the street of New York with such things in his hand. He ignores the little shiver that runs along his spine when Blaine leans in and presses an innocent and friendly kiss on his cheek. He’s going back to his infernal apartment.

***

Kurt spends the next few days going through the schedules of those meetings. Luckily for him, Blaine and Kevin are fussy that they marked their personal schedule, which means Kurt can pick up the most unusual times just so that he won’t meet them. Not that he wants to avoid them for other reasons that aren’t that it would make him uncomfortable to go through a bondage lesson with his ex-boyfriend and the guy his ex-boyfriend is dating at the moment. To be honest, he’s not ready for that.

That means, of course, that he’s sitting in an almost empty room (honestly, who would sign in for group bondage at 11 pm?) late at night with a rope on his lap. It feels so much heavier than it should, maybe because it’s a metaphor for Kurt’s discomfort.

They’re just at the beginning of it, the people in the room have taken minutes to introduce themselves, but Kurt is already revaluating his choice. He clearly doesn’t belong here, c’mon, he’s got a rope on his legs and he is probably going to tie something with it. He doesn’t manage to picture himself doing so, either for fun or just to relax.

Surprisingly though, things go very differently from what he had expected.

The lesson lasts for about two hours and Kurt is shocked at realizing that just working on knots along the rope, the coordinated movement and the tension of his hands, does relax him. He spends most of these two hours blushing and stuttering senselessly everytime a pretty guy – why do they even have pretty instructors anyway – made a joke about how shy and clumsy he looked like, but at the end of it, while walking along the dark streets of New York, he has to admit that maybe he should thank Blaine after all. For the first time in so long, Kurt can breathe in the air of the city without feeling stressed and tired. 

He even smiles stupidly as he holds one of the bags that bizarre agency gives away. It contains a few ropes to use at home and practice daily. He smiles because he can picture himself doing so, sitting on a chair in this new alternative version of crochet. At least he found a way to relax himself before he gets to study.

It gives him so many positive perspectives but the truth is, things are going to get so much better than he thinks they would (maybe even better than he would ever want them to be).

When he gets home, he looks up to their flat from the street. He can’t help but notice that the lights are on. It doesn’t surprise him. Actually, Sebastian might be with one of his hook-ups, which is also not surprising. Kurt is not going to give him the satisfaction of just walking away and letting him have the apartment to himself, not tonight.

He takes the elevator and when he reaches for the door, he feels self-confident, a lot more than he had felt during the first weeks in New York. He knocks on the door, wearing a smirk on his face at the thought of interrupting whatever Sebastian is doing. Even if Sebastian won’t open the door, Kurt has his keys ready. It’s not like he’s going to miss his chance to screw up Sebastian’s plans. 

Surprisingly though, there’s no need for him to look for his keys.

Against his predictions, Sebastian opens the door for him, hair in a mess and face looking sleepy (it’s kind of the same face he has everytime he falls asleep on the couch while watching TV). He looks surprised to see him. Kurt is shocked to even notice a little smile on his face.

“I thought you were never going to come back,” is what Sebastian says, “Do you have any idea what time it is? I thought they kidnapped you or something.”

Kurt’s eyes go wide and he feels pretty skeptical. He’s not sure why Sebastian would even care about him being kidnapped. His life would have been better without Kurt, and to be honest, Kurt thinks he’d live better with his kidnappers too.

He knows he’s not joking because when Sebastian is awake enough to realize what he said, he tries to make up for it, going back to their usual pattern.

“I couldn’t afford paying a ransom, but I couldn’t pay the rent for this place by myself either.” He moves away from the doorframe. “So if you’re going to get yourself kidnapped, please make a check out to me, please.”

That’s Sebastian Smythe. Maybe sleep does bad things to him.

Kurt doesn’t hesitate to walk in, holding his bag close to his torso so that Sebastian won’t see and get interested in it. Without even saying a word to him, Kurt walks to his door and then puts the bag under the bed, hiding it from Sebastian’s sight. He has no idea why Sebastian is following him to the room though.

“Kurt,” Sebastian whispers behind him and Kurt turns, surprised at the way his voice sounds, nothing but teasing for once, “You have no idea how hard it is for me to say this but … I’m sorry,” He keeps his gaze down, not looking at Kurt, “I know we tease each other a lot and we don’t really like each other, but what I told you was wrong and way too much. I didn’t want to bring up Blaine. I should have kept it to joking about how much of a girl you are, but apparently I’m too much of an asshole to resist the temptation of having you walking out with a storm going on because you can’t stand breathing the same air as I-”

“Enough.” Kurt interrupts, but only when he looks at Sebastian he feels like he’s stopped so much more than just excuses. That’s probably because they’re silent now and it’s becoming embarrassing. “I know. I know that … you don’t always want to do what you happen to do and say, but don’t make things weird now. I would totally stand being in the same room as you if you stopped acting like an idiot all the time.” He scolds him, holding his hands tightly to his own chest and looking as Sebastian breathes in deeply.

“I can’t promise anything, I guess you know that.” Sebastian doesn’t sound too worried. “You know who I am but … I’d like to apologize for all the things I’m going to say to you in the future.”

“Well, that’s okay.” Kurt shrugs. “I’m totally ready for whatever you might throw at me, so it shouldn’t be a problem. I’m sure I’ll get through it.” He says vaguely, looking around the room. It makes Sebastian curious and has him lifting his eyebrow.

“Please, don’t tell me you got another boyfriend,” He groans ironically, but Kurt shakes his head and walks by him. 

“It’s a secret!” He hisses playfully before he walks out of the room and onto the couch, looking for the remote. He hopes Sebastian is at least a little frustrated at not knowing what Kurt is hiding from him.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, here's the second part, for which I am going to give you a few warnings, which are riding, bondage, dirty talk, rough sex, possessive sex, slight dub-con, slight cum-play, slut shaming, barebacking. In case you weren't okay with it, stay away, please. I wrote this for a _very_ specific prompt.
> 
> Special thanks to my lovely beta, _jobelle516_. My life savior, basically.

Kurt can’t say things are completely okay, but he can’t deny Blaine’s weird advice happened to work out in the end. He is momentarily sitting in the kitchen, rope in his hands as he tries to work on different kinds of knots – just like he had learned during lessons. He’s almost recovered from his last fight with Sebastian. It started as a joke but then actually turned into something offensive. By now, Kurt almost forgot all of Sebastian’s rough words, and even that Sebastian had stormed out of the apartment, claiming that he was going to go out and fuck half of the male population in New York (Kurt has no idea why Sebastian thinks that might hurt him) while Kurt was never going to have sex, ever again.

Everything has washed off Kurt so easily and Kurt can’t keep a little smile at the awareness that Sebastian didn’t manage to mess with his plans the way he meant too. Actually, while Kurt sits by the table, rope in his hands, he manages to scroll the pages of his book with his eyes and he’s surprised at how easily he gets to study now that he is relaxed. His college career is finally saved from Sebastian apparently.

In just twenty minutes, he managed to perfectly absorb two full chapters. He breathes in and decides it’s finally time for a break. In that very moment he hears a key being flicked in the lock of their apartment.

He lifts an eyebrow when Sebastian walks in, closing the door behind his back. There’s a pout on his face and Kurt can’t help but laugh at the perspective of this.

“I can’t believe this!” He doesn’t even stand up from the chair or worry about how indelicate he sounds. “Sebastian Smythe couldn’t get any. What happened to your plans of screwing half of the male population?” He asks, sharply.

“Oh shut up-” Sebastian starts complaining when his eyes suddenly snap down.

Kurt’s laugh dies in his throat and his body goes stiff as he realizes that he had been sitting comfortable here, rope in his hands, because he was sure Sebastian was going to stay out until late that night.

“Is that …?” Sebastian starts, but Kurt manages to cut in after he’s swallowed a few times.

“Nothing of your business.” He says, eyes scanning Sebastian’s whole figure carefully. “I know you’re probably sad because it’s the first time since you were born that you didn’t manage to get some, but it’s not a good reason to stand there and mind my business. If you don’t mind, I’m studying, so why don’t you go to the bedroom and keep an awesome conversation with your best hand?” He winces ironically, but Sebastian is still staring at the rope between Kurt’s hands.

His eyes are blown as he runs his gaze along it, staring at the knot Kurt is working on, smoothly moving his fingers. There’s something messing with Sebastian about this, but he has no idea what it is. It’s probably just that he didn’t get any. He hates the way something twists in his stomach because Kurt is just knotting a rope, but he still finds it in himself to remember they are teasing each other.

“My hand is very talented,” He wrinkles his lips smugly, “So much more than any guy I ever fucked and believe me, that’s a lot.”

Kurt sighs theatrically and winces back.

“You are disgusting, I swear. It must be such an honor to get fucked by you, so exclusive,” he spits out ironically, his fingers tightening the knot way too much, and oh Sebastian can practically feel Kurt’s hand on him, on his body instead, his eyes going wide at the way the material is contracting. 

And yet, he is momentarily distracted by Kurt’s words. They seem way too rational and correct to get ignored. Sebastian can be smooth and attractive, but he’s surely not precious; his eyes scan Kurt though and Kurt is precious. Blaine was the only boy to ever have him, Sebastian is sure of it. Kurt is exclusive, not one of those easy guys who won’t even buy him a drink before they get on their knees …

Fuck.

Sebastian has no idea how he is even considering this. It’s Kurt Hummel sitting in front of him, the flatmate he hates, the guy he’s been insulting all the time since high school, he’s just a gay face and he hates him; but maybe it’s just his body. It’s too used to daily sex and he feels uncomfortable without feeling another warm body. And well, after 8 pm, Sebastian gets automatically horny.

When he looks up from the first knot (that is bigger and more loosened than the others, as if Kurt is getting better and better as seconds go by), his eyes meet Kurt’s and Kurt is looking at him in confusion. That’s not surprising, considering that Sebastian himself has no idea what he’s thinking of and why he’s doing so.

The problem is that Kurt is actually way more talented than him at hiding stuff, because his mind is wandering too. Now that Sebastian kind of exposed his own weaknesses to him, Kurt lets himself gaze at his perfect body – which is totally bad – and his eyes go wide. It might be Sebastian still, but it’s so tempting right now, especially because Kurt hasn’t had sex in so long. As he stares down at Sebastian’s fingers, Kurt can’t help but imagine being touched by those smooth hands, or maybe that he just wants to get touched, so it doesn’t even matter that it’s Sebastian.

Before he actually knows what he’s doing, he shows the rope to Sebastian and hands it to him.

“Do you want to try?” 

The words are out before Kurt can control it. Sebastian and he even spent weeks insulting each other and hating each other, and Kurt had never believed in angry sex as a therapy, so he has no idea why he is suggesting it. It’s frustrating not to have had sex for long, but he didn’t think it would have pushed him to the point of completely forgetting who the boy standing in front of him is. 

“No, I don’t.” Sebastian winces immediately, but Kurt notices he’s trying hard not to stare with his eyes wide. “If you think this is a funny joke, well, it’s pretty lame. I’m not desperate enough to come down to you.”

Kurt knows that this is not the right way to react, he knows it’s not the way he should reply to this, and even if he does, he still can’t help but notice the challenge in Sebastian’s voice, as if Sebastian doubts him to push him further, and not just to mock him as he usual does.

“Oh really,” He snaps, biting the inside of his mouth because he doesn’t want to play this game, but he can’t keep from doing so, “And here I thought your dick was going to fall off if you didn’t put it to good use for one night. You’re so used to having a different guy every night that you don’t bother listening to their names when they tell you because you know you won’t need it anymore in twenty minutes. And is twenty minutes seriously the best you can do anyway?”

“Kurt,” Sebastian whispers, the feeling growing inside him is completely new. It’s like he should stop Kurt because this conversation is so full of tension that he might end up in a bad way, the worst way possible; but Kurt’s fingers are running down easy and he’s tugging the ends of the rope, the knot in the middle tightening at the movement. Sebastian startles at the sight of it, his throat swallowing as tightly while panic builds inside him as he never thought Kurt would have caused him to.

For a moment, just for a moment, he considers ranting about Blaine. It would make Kurt sad enough to stop this and Sebastian hates that he’s suddenly benevolent enough to keep from doing so. It would have surely worked. 

“What, Sebastian?” Kurt deliberately ignores the warning tone. “Something wrong?” He pulls the rope just a little more, Sebastian staring right there. “I didn’t think I would have such an effect on you just because it’s been hours since your last fuck.”

Sebastian grits his teeth and breathes in deeply. Kurt talking this way about sex with a rope in his hands clearly does things to him and it’s something he wasn’t prepared for. How is he going to face this if not in the way his body is suggesting, pulsations running from his head and straight to his crotch, then up again, making his whole body tensed at the frustration of having to keep himself from reaching out and just letting go?

Plus, when he looks for Kurt’s gaze, Kurt is staring right there where Sebastian’s throbbing in his pants. 

“Kurt ... this is ... fucked up. It’s crazy.” He tries to get his attention, but it’s hard to deny to himself that he’s aching to get more. Every inch of his skin is heating up and sweating, wanting the touch, wanting to get what he needs, and he has no idea how to control it because he has never had to control it. 

“You’re being crazy.” Kurt corrects and Sebastian moves back when he sees him stand up with the rope in his hands. Sebastian ends up with his waist against the back of the couch. “Do you want to try?” Kurt asks again and just like the first time, Sebastian thinks he’s just imagining it.

He can’t step back anymore, Kurt is moving closer and God, every single thing in this apartment is starting to smell like sex. Sebastian is way too capable of reading into this situation. The moment when the air in the room becomes heavy, eyelids feeling like he has to keep them open not to gaze at Kurt lustfully, lips trembling to kiss, fingers shaking to touch and hands anxious to be leant towards another body.

“No.” Sebastian replies again, feeling pathetic when he has to swallow once more. “No, Kurt-”

“Shhh,” Kurt takes another step and reaches him.

Before he can react, Sebastian finds himself with that rope resting on his shoulders, brushing around the sides of his neck, running along his chest as Kurt’s wrists pressure his torso to keep Sebastian there.

“Kurt,” Sebastian kind of begs once more – he’s pretty sure he’s never pronounced Kurt’s name so many times, “What are we doing?” He breathes in slowly. It’s deadly when it makes him inhale all of Kurt’s gorgeous scent. It’s so fascinating and good and just Kurt that Sebastian can’t help the throb in his pants.

“We’re trying, experimenting,” Kurt lifts on his toes, pressing his whole body against Sebastian’s.

He immediately groans in amusement when he feels Sebastian’s hardness against his own crotch. His body trembles with desire, because it’s been so long and Kurt really needs this.

“Hmm,” Sebastian groans, everything inside him feeling he’s about to explode if he doesn’t do something about this. His fingers tickle to touch, his cock is pulsing to get his attention, and no matter how much he tries to deny it, all that Sebastian wants right now is to fuck that perfect ass. He doesn’t even care about the rope anymore. “Experimenting?” He whispers, his lips arching into a wicked smile and his voice turning darker. 

His hands wander all over Kurt’s back until he finally moves them down and squeezes his ass, forcing Kurt’s hips to rub against his. Their clothed dicks press together, Sebastian moans, maybe they both do, and then he’s grabbing Kurt so that he can wrap his legs around Sebastian’s waist. Their lips meet in that moment in a hungry passionate kiss.

Sebastian gives Kurt another squeeze until Kurt is grinding on him by himself, so that he can focus on something else. With his long fingers still wrapped around Kurt’s ass, Sebastian moves in to suck the skin on Kurt’s neck unkindly. Kurt throws his head back, exposing his skin more and moaning out loud. Sebastian can feel himself getting harder, Kurt’s loud groans making him feel like he can’t keep it in his pants anymore. Literally. 

“Let’s try then,” he murmurs, tracing a line of drool along Kurt’s neck up to his ear, “C’mon, Kurt, let me see this new game of yours …”

Kurt wants to complain that this is not a game, but a serious way of relaxing his body and mind. Sebastian feels so good against him though, they move with the right sync and oh, Kurt is sure he could just come from grinding like this.

“Tie me up,” Sebastian’s warm breath ghosts there, making Kurt’s leg tremble and feel weak; thank God Sebastian is holding him, “Do it, Kurt.”

Kurt startles in his hold, leaning in to reach for Sebastian’s neck. As their hips rock together and Kurt can even feel a warm sensation filling his lower abdomen maybe too soon, they’re suddenly on each other’s skin in tandem.

Kurt could go on forever. Sebastian’s neck is so long and perfect to mark, torture and make flushed, and the sounds he makes everytime Kurt mouths at him, the way he squeezes his ass more tightly totally makes it worth it. 

Before Kurt has a chance to realize, Sebastian is lifting him again and pushing him behind until Kurt bangs against the table. He has no idea when that happened, but his shirt is undone, his torso exposed to Sebastian as the boy moves down on him. His lips move to kiss Kurt’s skin and bite occasionally. It’s just a moment before Kurt moves his hand to fist Sebastian’s hair as Sebastian’s mouth wraps around his nipple. He moans as Sebastian’s tongue circles the little sensitive bud and then sucks it again. Sebastian must realize when Kurt throbs again in his pants, because he moves a hand down to palm at Kurt’s dick over the material of his pants. His hand gradually cups the head as best as it can with Kurt’s clothes still on and Kurt can already feel pre-come making his briefs sticky.

“Sebastian.” He groans but Sebastian just moves down to kiss his abs, clearly aiming for something else.

Kurt is panting with need, but Sebastian surprisingly moves up and surges to kiss him. Their tongues collide roughly and Kurt can feel their hips rubbing together again, their bodies looking needy and careless. If they weren’t too hot for it, they’d probably slap themselves at how pathetic they’re looking just from a little grinding. They rub together for a moment, heavy breaths, panting, everything muffled in each other’s mouth, until Sebastian practically shoves his tongue in Kurt’s mouth harshly.

“Tie me up,” He groans again between the kisses, “You have to tie me up, Kurt, fuck, you’re … I could come just from that stupid face you make when you moan for me …”

Kurt swallows in the kiss while Sebastian’s hands grab the waistband of his sweatpants, frantically pulling them down. He rests his elbows on the table, looking down at where his dick is trying to get Sebastian’s attention through his briefs. Sebastian is staring and Kurt is amused to notice how dark his eyes had turned and it makes it even harder to not get aggressive.

His gaze moves to the rope still hanging on Sebastian’s shoulders and he groans at the sight because it reminds him exactly what they’re doing. Sebastian looks at him again and moves in closer, cupping the back of Kurt’s neck with his hand and pulling their faces closer. 

“Are you turned on, Kurt?” He asks in amusement, licking Kurt’s lower lip and sucking it in his mouth for a moment. “You’re so hard, I could just look at you, and you wouldn’t last three minutes, just coming, untouched, for me.”

Sebastian always thought Kurt was at least a little into him, or at least into his body. He is sure that even though he kept on insulting him, Kurt had imagined being the guy in Sebastian’s bed. Maybe he had even imagined he was the one moaning because of Sebastian thrusting into him.

His hands move to stroke Kurt’s pale chest – he has to admit it’s a lot more defined than he thought it would be, but just as soft as he imagined it to be. His skin feels so fucking amazing under his hands and it’s so worth it after all the hours Kurt spends on skincare.

“Fuck, you’re amazing, look at you,” he runs his gaze along Kurt’s almost naked body. When he’s back to Kurt’s face, his cheeks are flushed. He moves in again, mouths colliding with need and hunger, everything feeling and smelling like sex by now.

Kurt feels relieved, as if Sebastian managed to take a weight off his stomach. When he realizes it’s because he was afraid Sebastian’s wasn’t going to like his body, he feels ridiculous and exposed for a moment. But then Sebastian’s words fill his head again, amazing pronounced with such a low voice. 

The confidence he gets from it is enough to convince him to lean in and reach for Sebastian so that the other boy has to pull back and stand fully again. Sitting on the table, Kurt wraps his legs around Sebastian’s waist again, heels pressed against Sebastian’s ass, shoving him down and closer as their crotches rub together once more.

They both groan as Kurt’s fingers undo the button of his shirt, Sebastian’s hand moving along Kurt’s back and reach for that perfect ass – that was something he could never deny, not even in the high school days when they disliked each other so bad.

Sebastian’s shirt ends up on the floor and Kurt’s mouth easily starts wandering along his whole torso and chest, marking every inch of it until he reaches for his nipple. He kisses the sensible skin, just a little brush that makes Sebastian want so much more even. Kurt pushes him away quickly, hands on his chest until Sebastian is forced to step back. He jumps off the table and turns away for a moment (giving Sebastian the chance to admire his gorgeous ass covered in thin briefs) to grab a chair and pull it closer.

“Sit down.”

He sounds so commanding that Sebastian can’t keep from whimpering, which makes him wonder if he has some kind of submissive nature he had never known about. Obeying quickly, he tugs the ends of the rope on his shoulders as he sits down. He has barely got a chance to adjust his position when Kurt is taking the rope from him, eyes staring into Sebastian’s own intensely. That direct gaze in contrast with the blush on his cheeks has Sebastian licking his lips while Kurt leans over to tie his hands up behind the back of the chair.

Sebastian knows they’re not going to get extreme, because Kurt’s knot isn’t too tight at all. He knows that he’s so horny at how new this is.

Kurt moves back and stares for a moment, with his fingers around his chin.

Despite his attempt to hold it, Sebastian’s gaze easily slides down, tracing Kurt’s hard dick through the material of his light briefs, the head coming out of it just a little, looking like it’s trying to escape the prison of his waistband. And still it looks like it annoys Sebastian more rather than Kurt.

“Get that thing off,” He groans, biting his lower lip and looking at Kurt while he stares at his body like something’s missing, “C’mon, Kurtie, let me see you.”

Kurt stares for a few seconds more, gaze wandering along Sebastian’s abs and then to his crotch. He leans in and down, finally pushing Sebastian’s pants off, boxers following until half of Sebastian’s hardness is naked and exposed before his eyes, like this.

“Fuck!” Sebastian complains when Kurt looks like he’s drinking him in through his eyes. “That’s so not fair, babe. Why don’t you strip too and let me see you just how much you want me?”

Kurt smirks, unexpected lust in his eyes that has Sebastian biting his lower lip as the other boy walks closer.

He sits on Sebastian’s lap, legs at the sides of Sebastian’s thighs as he rushes to mouth at his neck. He sucks the skin there in his mouth, moving up to reach for his jaw. 

Sebastian knows very well what the torture consists of by now. He would give anything in the world to have his hands free now, to be capable of squeezing that perfect ass, pushing Kurt closer against him. He just cocks his head to reach for Kurt’s neck and lick along it, up to his ear.

“Get naked, Kurt,” He begs shamelessly, not even concerned about how pathetic he sounds, rubbing against Kurt like he’s in heat, “Please, I need to see you, to touch you …”

“You don’t get to touch me, Sebastian.” Kurt tilts his head back to look into his eyes, grabbing his chin between his fingers. “Is that how it works with the guys you fuck in our room?”

Sebastian moans and leans in to reach Kurt’s mouth. Kurt moves back of course, escaping from the hungry way Sebastian was trying to push his tongue in his mouth.

“Don’t think about it,” Sebastian pants, “Think about me and you now.”

“All I can think of is how pathetic you look right now.” Kurt groans, thrusting his hips against Sebastian’s and smirking when Sebastian jolts back. “Yeah, I love thinking about the way you’re begging for me to get naked. It’s freaking awesome, Sebastian.”

Sebastian moans again and God, he wants to be free to spank Kurt’s ass and Kurt is just having fun with him, trying to take his revenge over Sebastian in the worst possible way.

“Please?” He begs in his ear, panting heavily, “Get naked or untie me, do something, please?”

“I just tied you up.” Kurt teases, but his voice is firm and in control.

Kurt loves it.

He loves the feeling of having so much control over Sebastian, having him wrapped around his finger and so submissive. All that it takes to reduce Sebastian to this is just to deny him some sex. That’s easy, but hard to put into practice when Sebastian’s body is such a magnet for hormones. 

“Do you want me to strip?” Kurt teases, sucking Sebastian’s lower lip softly. “Do you want to see me?”

The moan he gets as a reply sounds convincing. Not convincing enough though.

“I can’t hear you.” Kurt smirks. “Maybe you don’t want it so bad.”

He can hear Sebastian swear lowly between their mouths, trying to push for a kiss. This is the best revenge, to see Sebastian so desperate for him. Ah the irony. 

“Fuck, please? Kurt, I’m begging,” He reaches to press his lips on Kurt’s neck, licking along it and trying to get a reaction from Kurt, “I need to see you, I’m going crazy,” He moves up to his ear again, “You know what you could do? You could pull that fucking thing off and I’d just sit here while you fuck yourself on my dick.”

Kurt rolls his eyes to the ceiling, his stomach clenching and his dick throbbing as he tries to ignore the way Sebastian’s words are working on him or the way he’s licking along his skin, so that Kurt has to bite his mouth to keep from moaning. Not that Kurt has any intention not to go all the way down with this at this point, but still, he wants Sebastian to sweat before he gets it.

“Babe,” Sebastian moans in his ear, “Take care of me, c’mon, I know you want to, fuck me-”

His voice breaks when Kurt moves a smooth hand along his chest, his cheek pressed against Sebastian as he looks somewhere around the room. He’s got that perfect body underneath him, why shouldn’t he enjoy it? It’s impossible for them to develop any kind of feelings for each other after all. They’ll go back to hate one another tomorrow.

His fingertips trace Sebastian’s chest and Kurt suddenly feels self-esteem pumping in his blood when Sebastian’s body stiffens. He loves causing a reaction.

“I hate living with you.” He says against his cheek, his own dick rubbing against Sebastian’s through the cotton of his boxers. “You’re … so gorgeous, and you walk around half-naked all the time when we’re alone.” Sebastian groans at the words and leans in to suck his earlobe loudly. “You make me want to push you on the table, rip them off and suck you until you come in my mouth.”

Sebastian is basically shaking underneath him by now, Kurt is too. He has no idea how these words are coming out of his mouth, he’s usually not to so explicit even in such situations. Or maybe he knows what the reason is. After all this time spent having to deal with Sebastian and every little crap that he does, Kurt needs a revenge that can get him some credit so that Sebastian finally knows he’s never going to get any kind of control over him anymore.

He strokes his pecs, moaning at the way Sebastian’s muscles feel perfect under his touch.

“Look at you, I hate you, you’re so hot,” Kurt utters, fingers moving down to squeeze Sebastian’s nipples.

Sebastian’s hips thrust up roughly and Kurt moves his hands down to brush his abs.

“Your body is just so fucking perfect.”

“If it’s so perfect, why don’t you do something already?” Sebastian licks along Kurt’s neck, not even minding the traces of saliva he’s leaving along his skin. “I hate to admit it, babe, but I’m so hard it might fall if you don’t. You don’t want that to happen, do you? We couldn’t do this ever again if it did.”

Kurt’s hand moves down, fingers wrapping around Sebastian’s dick as he starts pumping fast. What is it with him and the way he’s making Kurt lose it? He has no control over his own action anymore.

“Do you want me to suck you?” He asks, moving his hand away to press his own body against Sebastian’s. “Do you want to see me on my knees for you? Sucking you hard? And all you can do is watch, no matter how much you want to pull my hair and fuck my throat. You couldn’t.”

“No.” Sebastian rubs against him, looking for relief now that Kurt’s hand isn’t touching him anymore. “I don’t want you to suck me, I want you to fuck me. And you want that too.”

Kurt stands up then and is quite proud of the panic in Sebastian’s eyes, replaced by lust however, when Kurt finally grabs the waistband of his own briefs and makes them swing on his hips. Sebastian licks his lips, probably subconsciously, and Kurt tugs them down, feeling more confident than ever as he stands naked in front of his worst enemy. Maybe it’s because Sebastian is tied, but Kurt feels like a winner, proud of his body with none of his usual insecurities. 

Sebastian leans in and opens his mouth when Kurt wraps his hand around himself and starts jerking off in front of him. He’s desperate for anything, shaking on the chair to look for a single touch. Kurt can see sweat collecting on his forehead, making him look even more gorgeous and so submissive to Kurt before they even start.

Kurt bends down to brush his lips along Sebastian’s, wearing a smirk on his face.

“Like what you see?” He asks and Sebastian swallows, scooting in to catch Kurt’s mouth. Kurt keeps moving his hand but easily escapes the kiss. “Answer me. Do you like it?”

“I want to suck you.” Sebastian says, his pupils blown, and if Kurt didn’t know any better, he’d think he has dark eyes. “Let me suck you.” He begs shamelessly.

“Not today.” Kurt grins amused. “Not now.” He corrects and he spreads his legs wide, moving in to sit on Sebastian’s lap. 

This time, when their dicks get in touch, there are no layers between them, and Sebastian throbs against Kurt as if he’s about to come already. Kurt would get it, because he’s been teasing for long. And yet, he would mock him anyway, because it would be such a huge chance to make fun of Sebastian.

By now, his need for sex probably surpassed the desire of revenge, so he slides once more along his body and then kisses him hard. Their mouths go open immediately, Sebastian’s tongue fucking between his lips, reaching for his palate and licking it teasingly.

Kurt is very aware that this is Sebastian Smythe, his flat mate that has slept with half of the city, and yet, it’s not enough to convince himself to get off him to go and look for a condom. He’s so freaking frustrated he couldn’t stand staying away from his hot body right now.

He just lifts himself a little from Sebastian’s body, aware that he’s not going to complain this time because it’s clear that Kurt won’t step back now. Sebastian just bites his lower lip, drinking in Kurt’s whole body through his eyes and frantically moving his hands tied behind his back, as if that could free him and allow him to touch Kurt then. There’s some technique in Kurt’s knots, not too tight but smoothly tangled, that makes it impossible for him to free himself.

Kurt experiments touching now that he’s standing, his hips jolting to reach for Sebastian’s chest, the friction against his muscles making it fantastic. His hand reaches for Sebastian’s mouth, two fingers pressed together and asking for access. Sebastian doesn’t make him wait, opening up and sucking on his fingers, moaning happily as his mouth gets filled.

Kurt guesses Sebastian is actually imagining blowing him from the way he is moving, eyes closed, breath heavy, his face completely lost as he sucks Kurt’s fingers hard.

Kurt realizes he’s practically rubbing his erection against Sebastian’s chest, so instinctively that he had barely noticed before, if not from his dick throbbing. He’s not going to come from this alone. That would be too embarrassing for the kind of relationship they have. He pulls his fingers away from Sebastian’s mouth or at least tries to do so. Sebastian follows his head, leaning in and sucking hard as he moans and thrusts his hips desperately as he manages to rub quickly against Kurt’s thigh.

“Bas, baby,” Kurt purrs, “I want to feel you inside.”

Sebastian opens his mouth to moan out loud and Kurt seizes the moment to pull his fingers away. He moves his hand along his own body and after he’s grabbed his ass cheek with the other, he presses the fingers Sebastian wetted against his own hole. He peeks over his shoulder, as if he could actually see, as he presses in, but his attention is brought back to the front when he feels something wet on the head of his dick.

He looks down to see that Sebastian has taken advantage of the moment to lick all over him, his position probably feeling very uncomfortable from where he’s tied at the chair. Kurt wouldn’t complain if he wasn’t thrusting his fingers inside himself, spreading his rim open for Sebastian.

“Sebas-” Kurt can’t even pronounce his name before Sebastian is wrapping his mouth around him and sucking just like he was doing with his fingers moments ago. Kurt’s instinct makes him rock his hips to fuck his mouth but that makes him realize just how fucking close he is. “If you don’t stop, I’m going to come. You don’t want me to, do you?”

Sebastian shakes his head, his mouth full as he looks up to meet Kurt’s eyes. For a moment Kurt thinks he’s going to lose it just at the sight, Sebastian’s thin lips wrapped around him almost lazily, and his irises are so thin that they can barely be seen around his pupils. 

He pulls off with a ‘pop’, a line of saliva hanging from his mouth to Kurt’s dick.

Kurt moans at the thought of it, Sebastian’s on him, and gives just another thrust to his fingers, moving away to grip the base of Sebastian’s dick and holding it still. With his other hand, he pulls his ass cheek open, exposing his now spread hole to him.

He lowers until the head of Sebastian’s dick is sliding inside, and rolls his eyes at how awesome it feels to be filled. He goes down in one blow, Sebastian feeling big and hard inside him, and just a little invading, discomfort settling in his lower belly and back for a brief moment before he starts getting used to it. His hands move quickly to Sebastian’s shoulders, fingers scratching skin, and Sebastian thrusts up, leaning in with his head to catch Sebastian’s mouth.

Kurt isn’t sure but he feels like Sebastian isn’t usually so needy. He looks like that dominant kind of guy, not the one who would let the guy he hates have so much control over him as he whines in need of his lips and he’s tied to a chair. 

“Hmm.” Sebastian whimpers, sounding upset and begging at the same time and Kurt obliges.

Starting to rock on him at a constant rhythm, he moves in and their lips join again, pressed together just like their bodies. When Kurt feels the heat radiating from Sebastian’s chest, he moans in his mouth, shivering at how sticky the sweat between them feels.

“Harder, Kurt, fuck me harder, please.” Sebastian begs quietly in his mouth, licking and exploring in between the words and thrusting up into Kurt. “Yeah, baby, like that, fuck-” He moans when Kurt does, tilting his head back and closes his eyes, riding him hard and feeling all hot and full and perfect. “I wish my hands were free so that I could grope that fantastic ass you have, squeeze it … You have no idea how much I love it. Even if I fucking hate you … Fighting with you turns me on, I think about spanking you every single day.”

Kurt swallows as his throat feels tight and dry. He tries not to think about it, the possibility of Sebastian having considered this before, because it would make everything more complicated and complications are not what Kurt is looking for now.

“Sebastian.” He groans instead, leaning down to suck his neck.

Just a few thrusts and Kurt is so close, having been through so much teasing earlier doesn’t make it better. And yet he also knows all he has done is a good amount of teasing too, that’s why he jolts faster, fucking himself on Sebastian and reaching for his chest with his hands, fingers teasing nipples while Sebastian moves in and bites his shoulder, desperately trying to thrust up into him.

Kurt hears him moan and slow down then, as he relaxes after he’s just come.

When he stops completely, Kurt reaches for his own hardness, jerking off shamelessly (it’s not like he should be embarrassed now), startled by Sebastian when the other boy starts placing soft warm kisses on his shoulder. He tries to suppress the shivers along his spine. His experience with Sebastian should involve anything but shivers and heartbeats.

It takes him just a few seconds more to come, a hot wave of pleasure washing over him as he partly spurts over Sebastian. They stay like this for a moment, Sebastian still inside him as he starts to soften, and the only sound in the room is their breaths.

Sebastian is the one to break the silence.

“How about we go to sleep now?” He whispers over Kurt’s shoulder as Kurt rests his cheek against Sebastian’s face.

When Sebastian groans unpleasantly, Kurt figures out he should get off him. He stands up and looks down to him, stoned because of the fucking awesome sex, but also feeling very tired.

“I really needed that.” He says and all of a sudden he feels like blushing and the embarrassment is finally taking over. They were fighting and ended up fucking like rabbits. It’s so childish of them, as if they were sixteen again. They’re supposed to act like adults now, living in New York and going to college.

“Let’s go then.” Sebastian says and Kurt leans in to finally free his hands.

Sebastian lifts his wrists, his skin is reddening but not wounded. He looks down at his own arms for a moment before he grabs Kurt’s waist and lifts him from the floor.

“Hey, no!” Kurt playfully punches his back. “Let go of me!”

He wants to complain about having a shower first, but he’s stressed out and more importantly, he is afraid the shower might turn into another round somehow. Sebastian drops him on Kurt’s bed, making it squeal at the impact.

There’s a brief moment when Kurt thinks Sebastian was going to drop him on his own bed. Maybe he didn’t because he thought of the same thing Kurt did. So many men have been in that bed before, so lying on his own bed is actually relieving. 

Sebastian straddles on his lap in the darkness of the room, just the light coming from the kitchen making something visible. Kurt is too tired to stand up and turn it off. Sebastian is too lazy.

“I’m going to sleep.” Sebastian whispers quietly, leaning in and kissing Kurt’s lips softly. They both moan and Kurt wants so much to deepen the kiss but Sebastian is already gone.

Shit. He knew it was going to be like this. He knew he was going to want Sebastian more.

“Okay.” He manages to say, his voice shakier than he wanted it to sound.

Sebastian moves off him but as he does, he kisses his skin tenderly, from chest to navel.

If Kurt wasn’t feeling so anxious because he gave himself to Sebastian, he’d realize Sebastian was never this gentle to him in any occasion. He usually says he’s going to sleep while yelling at him or he just doesn’t. But Kurt’s head is messy now so he doesn’t notice.

When Sebastian is gone, Kurt swears he shivers at the lack of heat that was coming from his body. That’s why he pulls up the covers.

Fuck.

He hates the way his heart is beating in thuds because he knows it’s been too many minutes from the orgasm to blame it on it. He has no idea why he wants Sebastian to hold him in his arms, doesn’t know how to face it, so he pretends he doesn’t want it either. 

He leans over just a little to open the drawer and pull out his phone, suddenly needy of some comfort.

10/10/2012 – 00:21 am To: Blaine: Help me out.

He waits patiently but doesn’t get a reply.

Maybe he’s just growing too anxious and he has to give Blaine time to reply. But he can’t. He tries to send a more decent text then, because his eyes are feeling heavy and if Blaine just reads that one, he’ll get over-worried and might think something awful happened. Therefore he types again.

10/10/2012 – 00:30 am To: Blaine: I don’t mean to bother you, really. I know that maybe you’re busy or out with your boyfriend. I just need to talk to someone, and you’re the only one who can help me out. I did everything you told me, I followed your advice. But now I feel like dying. I need to talk about this. Tell me you’re still in New York. I feel like everything’s about to fall, like I’m doing something really stupid and I need your help. I’m almost smashing my head against the wall because I’m just so stupid. Please, text me asap.

He barely manages to send the text before he’s drifting, phone in his hands as he feels tired both physically and emotionally.

***

When he wakes up from the thin ray of moon light bothering his sleep, he’s already too anxious to check on his phone to see if he got a reply. Too bad the phone isn’t in his hands anymore. His hand itself isn’t where Kurt had left it either.

His eyes are still half-shut and his muscles are relaxed from sleep, although they occasionally tense up as a reminder of what happened hours ago. He moves his hands on an instinct but he quickly realizes they’re not moving.

Looking upside down over his own head, he finds out, to his horror, that his wrists are tied up together to the headboard, too tightly for the rules he had been taught during the lessons.

Shit, he thinks while he wonders how the hell he allowed himself to get caught into whatever this is. He should have known that dealing with a monster like Sebastian was going to lead him to this.

He looks around the dark room, the light from the kitchen still on. Sebastian isn’t there. He tugs his hands and moans, but it just makes his wrists itch at the tightness of the hold.

The phone is on the bedside table.

Shit, shit, shit. It’s too far for him to reach it.

Closing his eyes, he tried harder to get freed, even though he knows he won’t get too far. Something suddenly drops on his stomach, feeling solid and thin, and making him realize just how naked and exposed he is.

When he opens his eyes, there’s a dark plastic bag leant on his abdomen. He looks up to see Sebastian standing by the bed, jerking off slowly as he looks down on him. He seems to realize a moment later that Kurt’s awake.

“Hello, sweetheart.” He smirks sarcastically, the moonlight lighting up his face partly and making him look a lot wicked. Kurt fights to get freed again but it’s useless. He could kick him if he needs too anyway.

“Untie me.” He orders, starting to feel way too anxious and uncomfortable. “Right now.”

“What for? Do you need to reach for your fucking phone?” Sebastian asks sharply, making Kurt shiver at how remorseful his voice sounds. “Fucking asshole. We just stopped fucking and you’re already whining about it. You’re a bitch.”

“Sebas-”

“Shut up.” Sebastian sits by his side on the bed. “What do you think about me Kurt, honestly? Do you think I’m so lame and disgusting that you need to call someone to get comfort after you fucked me? As if I were … trash or something. As if you reached the bottom just from touching my skin, huh?”

‘No.’ Kurt shakes his head, but he doesn’t manage to voice his thoughts. He knows what he felt. He wanted Sebastian to hold him and cuddle him and that’s why he had texted Blaine, because he was afraid he would develop fucking feelings for him.

He tries to say it out loud then.

“No, that’s not, Seb-”

“What did Blaine tell you to do exactly?” He asks, but Kurt barely remembers the text he wrote to him. “Oh, you followed his advice. What was it, huh? To fuck me? And why even that?” He asks quietly, hand slowly jerking his erection. “Do you usually talk about me with Blaine? Did he tell you to get some revenge over me for everything I’ve done to you? That’s so not going to work, Kurt. I have no intention to feel bad because of you.”

Kurt wants to complain, to tell him that it wasn’t his plan at all. He looks down his own body, the condom Sebastian had thrown on him still packed.

“Sebastian, what-”

“My turn now.” Sebastian says coldly, his hand moving faster as he shifts along the mattress. He kneels on the bed, making it squeak as he reaches for Kurt’s mouth with his own.

Kurt turns his face away but Sebastian straddles on his lap quickly. His mouth reaches for Kurt’s neck, biting and sucking until Kurt’s toes curl and he’s desperately trying to mask how hard he is for it already. He feels so disappointed in himself for enjoying this when he’s supposed to discuss and say something about it.

He has no idea how he ended up from wanting to be held by Sebastian to actual fear that Sebastian could hurt him.

“Kurt, fuck, calm down.” Sebastian threatens and just then Kurt realizes he’s kicking him. “You’re going to break your box springs. I’m not killing you, I just want you to give back what I gave to you.” 

“Oh.” Kurt says, having no idea why it manages to calm him down.

It’s not like he thought Sebastian was going to kill him. Maybe. Considering how mad he gets when he fights, Kurt doesn’t know him well enough to be sure.

Sebastian leans on him again and this time he doesn’t need to fight to suck, lick and mark Kurt’s neck. Kurt can feel it’s going to leave a mark, especially with how delicate and pale his skin is. It’s not long before his body starts feeling like it’s too hot in the room. His legs spread automatically and he rolls his eyes to the ceiling when Sebastian’s thigh accidentally slides against his dick. He knows how Sebastian felt before now; he feels the need to touch him so bad, to reach for his ass and squeeze it, holding Sebastian closer as their hips work together.

“You like it, babe?” Sebastian says over his mouth and when Kurt’s hip jolt up, the condom falling aside, the boy looks proud of the answer he got. “I’m going to fuck you so hard, you won’t be able to walk for days.”

“Please.” Kurt surrenders easily.

Sebastian kisses him hard on the mouth this time, hungrily licking for every single inch of skin he manages to reach between Kurt’s lips.

“Sebastian.” Kurt calls on his mouth, sounding desperate, while Sebastian kisses along his neck again, hips rocking so that their naked bodies are frantically grinding. “Sebastian, the knot, it’s tight and it aches.” He groans, his mind suddenly reminding him of the risks that come with it from the lessons.

Sebastian hesitates for a moment, but stops kissing his neck. He just stays there like he’s wondering what to do. When he bites again, Kurt feels the need to insist.

“It hurts.” He swallows when the rope feels too tight around his wrists. “I know you’re upset,” He groans for a moment when Sebastian lifts enough to grab both of their erections and jerk them off clumsily with one hand, “But-”

He stops when Sebastian moves that hand away and reaches out to ease the knot, eyes connected to Kurt’s as he does.

“Feel like sucking me off?” He asks, kind of sounding like he’s trying to distract Kurt from the gesture.

“Hmm.” Kurt just moans before Sebastian is already lifting on knees and crawling until his lap is over Kurt’s chest.

Kurt’s eyes stare down at Sebastian’s thick erection, so close to his mouth Kurt can almost taste it already.

“Open your mouth.” Sebastian says strictly. “You’ll make me so wet it’s going to be easy to fuck into you.”

When Kurt blinks, he realizes just how moist his eyes were getting from anticipation. Sebastian must notice too because he grabs his dick and rubs the head on Kurt’s closed lips, looking down at where his mouth gets slippery with pre-come. Kurt hears him moan, even though it’s clear he was trying not to, and he opens his mouth. He wants so bad to resists this but the truth is that he can’t. He’s so hard and hot for him, Kurt almost forgot Sebastian read his texts and can’t wonder why he did, at the moment.

He wraps his mouth around Sebastian’s dick, sucking just once and closing his eyes when he realize Sebastian doesn’t taste bad.

“Yeah, baby,” Sebastian reaches to tug Kurt’s hair, “Take it like the perfect little slut you are.”

Kurt moans around him, feeling his own dick throb down there. He didn’t even know dirty talk was a kink of his until now.

He starts working on Sebastian in earnest, eyes shut and cheeks hollowing around him. He’s so lost that when Sebastian moves back, Kurt keeps holding him in his mouth for a moment before he pulls off.

Sebastian smirks amused when he notices the lost amazed look on Kurt’s face, but that doesn’t keep him from crawling back in the space between Kurt’s thighs. He lifts Kurt’s leg, holding it as he guides his other hand to his own mouth and sucks two fingers to wet them for a moment, quickly moving them to Kurt’s hole when he’s done.

Kurt startles when those fingers press between his balls, fingers curling in his hands so hard that he can feel nails against his palms, and then Sebastian is finally reaching for where Kurt wants him.

“Maybe not.” Sebastian presses his fingertips against Kurt’s hole but never actually sinks in, amused when Kurt looks up in panic, like he’s afraid Sebastian would take his revenge on him now, leaving him needy and incapable of touching himself. “Maybe you should give back.”

Kurt frowns, not quite sure of what that is supposed to mean, at least until Sebastian moves his fingers away to reach for his own ass instead. When Sebastian moans, his fingers probably sliding inside, Kurt does too, suddenly aware of what is next.

He thrusts up and gets Sebastian’s attention easily, his gaze running along Kurt’s abdomen and laying on his dick, straining hard and proud and waiting.

“Is that what you want?” Sebastian’s eyes go shut for a moment as he crooks his own fingers inside. “Want to watch while I ride you? You’re going to wish your hands were free so that you could touch me.”

“Seb-”

Every word dies in Kurt’s throat when he sees Sebastian kneel again and straddle on his lap once more, hovering Kurt’s erection. He looks for the condom through the sheets and pulls the plastic back to his mouth to open it with his teeth. He spits away the paper and tugs out the condom, leaning in to roll the rubber along Kurt’s erection, and Kurt almost comes just from that.

Sebastian’s hands go back to his own ass quickly.

Kurt can totally picture his long fingers spreading his ass cheeks while he moves down and onto him. He closes his eyes and sighs deeply when Sebastian wraps around him, heat and tightness making him pant just for a few inches. He probably curses, but he can’t be sure with how he’s blown away right now.

When Sebastian goes down, swallowing most of his length inside, Kurt feels like fainting. He presses his wrists together, trying to get freed of the hold because he can’t stand the picture of Sebastian biting his lower lip at how big he feels inside while he’s completely incapable of reaching out to dictate his movements. It’s cruel and it’s actually what he had done to Sebastian earlier.

“Who would have told you felt so big, huh?” Sebastian smirks proudly as he rocks his hips on Kurt, barely lifting.

“Please?” Kurt begs shamelessly, knowing that this is exactly what Sebastian wants to hear.

“What? Do you want me to fuck you so that you can whine around about how stupid you were to let me do that?” He lifts so that only the tip of Kurt’s dick is inside.

“No-” Kurt doesn’t manage to complain before Sebastian is slamming down on him again. No matter how hard Sebastian tries to hide his pleasure, he’s moaning and his face looks like Kurt is pure bliss. And that’s something Kurt can enjoy at least.

Thrusting up to meet Sebastian’s movements, Kurt groans in satisfaction when he sees him losing some control, hands laying on Kurt’s chest as he impales himself on him, fast and desperate.

His fingers move a moment later, reaching for the knot around Kurt’s wrists. Kurt can’t say he’s not surprised when Sebastian manages – after a few failed attempts – to undo it and free Kurt’s hands. It also makes him kind of sad that Sebastian looks like he’s afraid that Kurt will runaway now that he’s kind of free. 

Maybe it’s the proof that he shouldn’t, maybe it’s because Kurt wants to do it, but as soon as his hands are free, he reaches for Sebastian’s ass and squeezes it, working on his tempo the way he wants it. It startles Sebastian at first but then he silently follows Kurt’s timing.

It feels more intimate like this, blurred and pleasant, and Kurt lets himself relax under him. His orgasm builds up slowly and wonderfully, making him feel like he’s in harmony with the rest of the universe. He doesn’t even mind when Sebastian reaching for his own length, touching himself to spurt all over Kurt’s abs in a few seconds. Kurt just thrusts up desperately and inelegantly, just a few jolts before he’s filling the condom.

Sebastian barely manages to slide off Kurt’s length before he is collapsing on him, chest to chest in a dirty warm mess.

Kurt can hear both their breaths and for a moment he thinks Sebastian is resting before he leaves his bed. And then, Sebastian just lifts the covers on them both and Kurt realizes that he won’t go.

It’s hard for him to surrender to the idea that Sebastian wants to sleep naked on him, nuzzling at his neck. Kurt moves his head to the side and whispers through his hair, fingertips brushing the back of his neck.

“You’re anything but disgusting.” He swallows. “No one told me to have sex with you for revenge.”

He has no idea if that’s what Sebastian wanted and needed to hear. He doesn’t even know if Sebastian is still awake to listen, but saying it makes Kurt feel better. He is probably a coward for finally letting it out when Sebastian has probably already drifted, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it before.

His fingers are still stroking the back of Sebastian’s neck when he falls asleep too, wrists under Sebastian’s and still lazily surrounded by an untied rope. The last thought that goes through his head before he drifts to sleep, is that Sebastian is anything but trash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One last chapter and then we're over with this! Yay, something complete haha Thanks for reading xoxo


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go with the last part. Sorry for keeping you hanging for so long. Thanks to jobelle516 for beta-reading this, but also Xan who helped me out with a little thing.

The light coming from the window over Kurt's bed makes Sebastian's skin shine underneath his gaze. He has no idea what time it is, but his arms are still wrapped around the other boy even though he has no idea why.

He wants to let go of that hold. It would make anything easier. He's been thinking about it for some minutes now. And yet, no matter how hard he tries, he can't manage to achieve it. It's been so long since the last time he's been in bed with someone like this, to cuddle, and even if Sebastian is asleep, his warm body makes Kurt feel a little loved. It's stupid because love is the last thing that can be between them after all they've been through since high school.

He wants to whisper something to him, like he did before they fell asleep, something to break the tension between them and avoid that Sebastian wakes up and starts behaving like the usual jerk he is all the time. Kurt knows too well. He's seen Sebastian kicking his lovers out the door so many times, that he wouldn't be surprise to just receive some insults and feel like nothing but a toy.

His hand moves to stroke Sebastian's hair hesitantly, like he's afraid of touching too much. His hair is longer now and very soft.

When Sebastian speaks, it startles Kurt.

"Are you done being so cheesy? I might throw up at any moment." He groans, but he doesn't sound like he's joking. There's something warm in his voice though and … no, Kurt shouldn't allow him to get under his skin.

"I wasn't-"

"Being cheesy?" Sebastian asks, face turned to the wall so that Kurt can't see it. "Please. I'm getting diabetes from the way you're touching me." His words are barely out when he starts pressing himself into the touch, almost purring at it.

Kurt winces in confusion and then stops for a moment.

He can't be sure but he suddenly feels like no one stops cuddling Sebastian in the morning after – first of all because he always kicks them out as soon as he wakes up, but also because it wasn't what he looked for in hook-ups.

When he gets to that realization, something aches inside him. Sebastian and he aren't too different after all. They both miss affection in different ways. Kurt misses touching, Sebastian misses human contact.

Sebastian is still pressing against the touch of Kurt's fingers. Kurt cups his hip with the other hand.

They spend a few minutes like this, in silence, just their breaths shaky and messy from something that is going on their heads, unpermitted.

"How about a third round?" Sebastian says, startling Kurt from the state of relaxing he was falling into. It also kind of reminds him that they're kind of naked against each other. "We can make a deal. We can fuck whenever you feel like it, if you tie me up."

Kurt feels it all of a sudden.

It's like there's something completely wrong with this. It's clear that this is just Sebastian's personal excuse not to admit that he wants something different. He could find anyone who would tie him up, and yet Kurt feels like Sebastian actually wants to be cuddled. He's not sure he would find someone up for this.

But still, even though he knows what this is actually about, knows this is the kind of situation you lose your control over very quickly, he can't say no. What surprises him is that even if the sex was awesome and everything, it's not about it. Just like Sebastian wants to feel Kurt's fingers on the back of his neck, Kurt wants to feel Sebastian's hair under his touch.

"Okay." He says weakly, because he also knows Sebastian won't stay here, getting cuddled for long without the excuse of sex.

Kurt probably wouldn't handle it either anyway, not when things are shifting so quickly, because of a particularly harsh fight and a rope.

"Okay?" Sebastian asks, finally looking up to him, hands resting on Kurt's pale shaved chest. "I'm giving you a chance to have sex with me all the time and you're like 'okay'? What's going to happen to my ego now?"

"Your ego will need to get pumped, just like your-" Kurt can't manage to end the sentence when Sebastian rushes to kiss him.

He smiles in this lazy kiss. It feels a lot like the kisses lovers share in bed every morning just because they're happy to wake up one next to the other.

A few seconds later Sebastian is already moving on Kurt's body, caging it without moving yet, not until Kurt lifts his hands to hold his hips and push them down. It's as if Sebastian needs that pressure, to make sure Kurt is aware and conscious of what is about to happen.

It's weird to see him so concerned about what Kurt feels and thinks, but he lets go because they've already had it going twice last night and nothing bad happened.

Maybe this is the best strategy when it comes to Sebastian: just letting go.

***

In a week, they'd almost marked every inch of their apartment. It's probably childish of them, but it's like sex and ropes are the only thing that soothe the tension between them every single time they fight. Considering how many times they fight, they're already becoming way too comfortable and used to it.

They ended up on the couch the day after their first night, when Sebastian came home at 2 am and Kurt was watching a film. He'd rather have his jealously under control, but he couldn't help but snap at Sebastian, and they easily went from fighting to Kurt having his wrists tied up together, tightly but safely.

Next night, Kurt came back at two am for some stupid childish revenge. But still, he was the one who ended up tied on the table, and Sebastian fucked him while telling him that no matter who he messed around with, he wouldn't be able to forget Sebastian's smell. Kurt thought it was the same kind of jealously he had felt the night before. But maybe he was wrong.

There was that time against the window of their apartment, but Kurt has no idea how to justify it, because it started with friendly bickering rather than mean insults. Considering that he can't justify it, he likes to pretend that time never happened. It calms him (the thought alone of Sebastian and he starting to enjoy having sex with no excuses scares him so much because he knows Sebastian is never going to see things in a different way; he would only end up being the one hurt, once more).

It's Friday when he's sitting by their table in the kitchen, pretending to focus on his notes, while he's actually recollecting shards of an upcoming break-up of something that hasn't even started yet. He's sure that no matter how strong and detached Sebastian might try to look, he's as scared as Kurt is from this. That's probably the reason why he avoided Kurt last night, breaking the chains of consecutive nights in bed.

Kurt can't say he's surprised. He hadn't even hoped for this to turn into something more. How can he wish for that when his flat mate spent most of their last year in high school insulting him and trying to steal his boyfriend? (ex-boyfriend, he corrects himself).

Things are just following their natural flow.

Sebastian walks around the kitchen, passing by with indifference, only wearing a pair of briefs that don't do much to cover any part of his body. Such a wise choice when they're in New York, during Fall. It's a choice that only makes sense if Kurt considers Sebastian doing it only to make things harder for him. He can't even manage not to look, over his abs, his gorgeous back, his defined chest, his lovely arms that know how to hug back at night.

He shakes his head and tries to actually focus on his notes.

"Do you like it when we have sex?" Sebastian's voice startles him, not really allowing him to stop thinking.

Kurt lifts his eyebrows, gazing at all of Sebastian's body while he's leant with his lower back against the counter of their kitchen. He doesn't look concerned about his own nudity, which makes Kurt sigh and shake his head again.

"Do you mean if I enjoy it?" He asks. "Hmm, I thought orgasms are a good proof of that already."

"Idiot." Sebastian looks disappointed as he shakes his head, his hair following the motion is such a pretty way. Shit. It's not that pretty, is it? "I wouldn't never doubt my abilities. Sexual satisfaction is kind of unavoidable when you're with me."

There's weakness in his voice, some hesitation that makes Kurt realize that Sebastian knows he is just like any other person in bed, not some sexy God. And yet it looks like he wants someone to tell him he is. Maybe he wants to hear it from Kurt.

"Sure." He rolls his eyes, but tries to make Sebastian understand he means it partly. "How could someone ever be disappointed with this sex machine?"

"I believe," Sebastian almost ignores it, "I believe that we should have rules. We can fuck whenever we like, that's how it is already, so we should just make our friends with benefits relationship official."

"We're not friends with benefits." Kurt feels his cheeks heat up. "Forget it. We're just … it's just a way to break our tension. Haven't you noticed we only ever tie each other when we fight?"

"Oh what about the window round?" Sebastian crosses his arms on his gorgeous bare chest, lifting his eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure you called me something like little meerkat, which almost killed my boner. Thank God, you let me fuck you like you were in heat in front of the window even though the curtains were open."

"I called you meerkat-pup." Kurt corrects, his face turning red after he says out loud. "And it doesn't matter anyway. We can't be friends with benefits just because we had sexual relations twice-"

"Four times actually." Sebastian sighs. "And there are going to be more. First of all, because I want you, I'll get you and you're going to love it every single time."

Of course he is going to, Kurt thinks, just like he is going to enjoy the cuddles after that. For those, Kurt still hasn't figured out a good excuse.

"You can't make a deal with yourself that involves me." Kurt frowns. "I am so not okay with this."

"You are, admit it." Sebastian hums, rolling his eyes. "Now that I think about it, there's something we should talk about, fuck buddy."

"I'm not-"

"Whatever." Sebastian smirks slyly. "Why did you text Blaine after the first time? You made it sound like you had just killed a puppy and I don't get how sex with me could upset you so much that you would make someone believe a murder happened." Kurt can hear some weakness in his voice again.

He hasn't forgotten about what Sebastian had told him after he had read the text, but he doesn't know how believable it's going to sound if he says he felt dirty inside. It doesn't sound like a good reason at all.

"I was scared." He confesses then, chewing his lower lip because he has no idea how to explain it.

"What of? That you were going to get something from me?" Sebastian snaps flatly, and Kurt knows he needs to give some explanations before he thinks it's actually that.

"No, it's not that." Kurt looks into his momentarily cold eyes. "It's just that-" He stops again, realizing how stupid he must seem right now, a grown-up man incapable of finish that sentence.

"Never mind." Sebastian says, already moving away and stepping towards their room.

Kurt is moving before he knows, standing up and reaching to grab Sebastian's wrist with his hand.

Sebastian turns to him in shock, like he didn't even consider that Kurt could stop him. He looks down to where Kurt's fingers are wrapped around his wrist and then he looks up to meet Kurt's gaze.

"It's not that." Kurt repeats, but when Sebastian looks unsure again, he forces himself to add more to it. "I was afraid that I was going to want you to stay there and hug me. I'm not used to wanting your body for something that isn't sex. I was scared of what I wanted and-" He stops when Sebastian grabs his chin between his fingers, stroking his cheekbone with his long thumb and still looking into Kurt's eyes.

The moment feels magical to Kurt. Standing there, opposite to each other, fingers touching each other's skin. If Kurt didn't know any better (didn't know they're usually more Kurt and Sebastian rather that KurtAndSebastian), he'd think they're together. They can't look like a couple, but the words and the gestures make it hard to believe it now.

Part of him so wants it to be possible and more than just a fantasy born from fingers brushing and warm breaths mixing together and feeling safe, some kind of lie regarding those KurtAndSebastian, these two boys trying so hard to just be. He wants to break this, find the strength to make a change, and yet they're here, suspended, neither of them moving.

Seconds go by but they feel like minutes, hours, eternity even to Kurt. Sebastian only traces the features of his face with his fingers and looks into his eyes. No matter how much Kurt tries to wonder if one night of sex – four nights actually – can make two people feel so connected, he's not hypocritical enough to pretend it was just to break their tension. When the back of Sebastian's hand moves up to stroke along his cheekbone, how stupid would he be if he denied that he shared with Sebastian the most intimate connection human beings can possibly have?

It feels like breaking, but not the exact moment it breaks. That tiny second when you know it's going to happen, so you wait for it, incapable of figuring out the exact moment when everything ends.

Because it has to end.

It's written in the stars that Sebastian and he are going to break at some point. They don't even need to mention it to figure that out. Knowing each other, they're aware that the more they talk, the more they might end up putting walls between them, walls which they can't see through.

He knows it's going to happen and he is ready for the blow. He also knows he'll call himself stupid for having allowed such a feeling to develop when this was just a sexual game (fucking cuddles, fucking arms, fucking Sebastian, fucking everything).

And yet – as much as he knows it's about to happen – time is frozen and Sebastian isn't doing anything.

A second goes by.

Two seconds.

Three seconds.

They just stroke and look at each other; and there's the sound of Kurt's heart breaking before it even happens.

"I thought you didn't want me to cuddle you. I'm still that guy that throws insults at you every day."

Sebastian's voice fills the silent apartment.

"I thought … I thought that was different. I didn't want to step over and cross a line toward something that doesn't belong to me."

Kurt's breathing starts becoming more complicated. It's like he's on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump off.

"And then … I thought that since I can never get a boy like you, because of all the good reasons you pointed out since the moment we met," Sebastian smiles bitter, his hand dropping away from Kurt's face and the fingers of his other hand still wrapped around his wrist, "Maybe I could hold on to the best I can get from you. That's sex."

It shouldn't hurt this much to hear it, Kurt knows, but he ends up wincing anyway.

"This is why I'm asking." Sebastian adds, that bitter smile on his face making everything easier and more automatic. "Let's go to bed."

Somewhere in his head, Kurt knows that doing that would be wrong. And yet he nods, getting his wrist free from Sebastian's hold to tangle their fingers together instead and letting himself get lead to their bedroom.

***

The light of day is starting to become a frequent company between them, but it's different this time.

They might have spent weeks going on like this, bed and ropes, but it's the first time they're out together, out of their apartment. Kurt wonders how stupid it is that they've never done this before, because it seems like they both enjoy it. That time they talked in the kitchen changed something, but at the same time it didn't alter their balance too much.

Sitting next to each other on the lawn in the park, eyes lazily staring at the surface of the little lake in front of them, they're quiet in a silence that feels more friendly rather than embarrassing. It's not the first time it happens. They're often silent around the apartment, but outside it always looks like it's going to be different.

Kurt isn't sure how he feels about the way they hated living together at first, because he can't remember why that was anymore, with the way they are spending their days together now.

Sebastian changed during the last weeks. He seems more mature, less smug, and when he makes fun of Kurt, there's always some guilt in his eyes that makes Kurt understand he doesn't mean it. It's good to know that, even if Sebastian never says it out loud.

Their hips are merely touching unconsciously, never pressing too intimately together. It works between them, especially when they don't speak, and Kurt has no intention to break the magic of the moment, even if it means they're going to sit there all day, in complete silence.

"Hmm, Kurt?" Sebastian does break it though.

Kurt turns to him with a smile on his lips, trying to come out with some joke about how Sebastian can't resist talking to him, but Sebastian is looking back at him, in a weird and deep way that forces Kurt to wrap his arms around his knees and press his thighs against his chest to suppress that shiver that comes with it.

There is also confusion in Sebastian's eyes.

"I was thinking-" He interrupts at first, licking his lower lip a few times before he manages to speak again, Kurt's heart hammering in the meantime. "I was thinking we could get lunch together."

Kurt has no idea why, but it sounds strange and comforting at the same time. Maybe they can become those kind of fuck buddies that are actually buddies other than lovers. He wouldn't mind being friends with Sebastian. They've got used to laughing together when watching movies, late at night, after sex, while cuddling on the couch. Being comfortable around Sebastian is becoming usual.

"Sure." He smiles nervously. "I am hungry. And you have to pay me back for the grilled sole you burned last night."

"I was doing my best." Sebastian wrinkles his lips, looking actually sorry. "Didn't pasta fix it? Not even a little? Piquancy is always supposed to make things better."

Kurt opens his mouth to reply about that, but he stops when he realizes what it is that they're talking about.

Are things about to get weird? Do they cook for one another all the time?

Shit.

Sebastian seems to notice the change in him, because he shakes his head and smiles genuinely.

"I'm not that much of a chef I guess." He tries to soothe the situation because he probably realizes the way it's shifting.

"I know." Kurt confirms, resting a hand on Sebastian's thigh. "I mean, not as much as I am, but I think chef Ramsey would take us both to Hell's Kitchen. I'd blow you away in the finals but that would be okay."

Sebastian laughs quietly and when Kurt's fingers squeeze his leg a little, stroking his thigh, he wraps an arm around his shoulders and presses him closer to him.

Kurt has no idea what it's supposed to mean. Are they cuddling without sex? Are they just messing around?

"I wouldn't bet on it, you know?" Sebastian asks, looking smug again, just like Kurt likes him (doesn't like him, fuck). "I might have secret weapons-"

"Piquancy." Kurt cuts in, lifting his face to look into Sebastian's eyes, suddenly feeling held more tightly.

"Piquancy." Sebastian confirms and from the way his eyes wander over Kurt's lips, he's sure he is about to get kissed.

That doesn't happen unfortunately.

Fortunately, Kurt corrects in his head.

He moves his face to press his cheek against Sebastian's chest and when Sebastian starts stroking his shoulder, Kurt has no doubts. They are cuddling, at a park during the day, no sex being had before it happens.

How can he hope to be friends with Sebastian if the other boy screws up so early, even before Kurt can consider the possibility of it?

They stay like this for a while and then Kurt's stomach starts to become too noisy.

"So, you wanna go have dinner?" Sebastian strokes his belly, like it can soothe the hunger. "I could take you to a restaurant. I might have accidentally brought a lot of money with me today."

Is that 'accidentally' supposed to mean something or not? To Kurt, it seems like Sebastian wanted him to catch it. Kurt wants to complain about that, but the way Sebastian is holding him makes it so hard to try and be rational about whatever is happening between them.

"Well, if that's the case." Kurt allows. "But that's only happening if you let me pay next time."

"Never."

What are they even doing?

Kurt can't hide he thought things were going to become weird at some point, but he didn't think they were going to be so cheesy. He has practically implied there is going to be a next time and Sebastian doesn't want to let him pay.

"Unkind and so kind of you at the same time." Kurt says quietly, resting his head against his chest and unconsciously stroking his belly. "I don't like scrounging."

"You can buy me clothes." Sebastian adds, like it's another unofficial date on the list.

"This is so unfair." Kurt closes his eyes and wrinkles his lips. "That would cost me so much more than food."

"Depends on where we're having dinner." Sebastian suggests, whispering seductively in his ear. "I could take you to a very classy place and it might cost me more than a whole new wardrobe."

Kurt's heart starts speeding up, out of control.

"I am so not dressed up for a classy place!" He complains, looking for an excuse to avoid this date. If they're going to have a first date – which Kurt isn't sure about – Kurt wants it to be in a place that isn't too classy, somewhere they can be themselves.

When Kurt looks up, Sebastian is about to complain, but then he just smiles.

"Well, I'd take you out for a hot dog, but I'm pretty sure your fashionable diet won't allow that." He says, stroking Kurt's hair with his hand, right behind his ear. If Kurt didn't know any better, he'd think Sebastian is deeply in love with him with the way his eyes stare at Kurt's face. "So we'll have to go with the classy restaurant, sorry." He teases, bumping against Kurt to make him stand up.

Kurt does so quickly and offers his hand for Sebastian to lift. It's not the best idea when his legs and arms are shaking with feelings that he doesn't know or understand; thank God, he manages to help Sebastian standing up without falling down.

"Well, princess. Are you ready for our fancy lunch?"

Kurt breathes in, counting on his heartbeats and blushing a little. Whatever is happening between them momentarily feels kind of perfect and dangerous at the same time. And yet, the perfect aspect seems to win over danger. That is why Kurt doesn't complain when Sebastian grabs his arm and tugs him.

***

Lunch is amazing and fun, almost as if there wasn't any tension between them and everything was natural. It makes it hard to think things were never different. They were different, a lot and for long. Kurt has no idea how he feels about it yet, but it's not so hard to get used to Sebastian's presence out of their apartment. It's not as hard as he thought at least.

While going back home, there's been a moment when he felt something brushing the back of his hand. Maybe it's just his head though. Maybe he is letting those emotions mess with him too much to actually be capable of figuring out what is going on.

Sitting at the table of their kitchen, they're silently going through their books and notes until Sebastian breaks the silence.

"Do you feel like eating something?" He asks and Kurt realizes just then that it's almost 8 pm. "We could order Chinese and-"

"From classy restaurants to Chinese," Kurt teases, "and all in one day."

"Well, that's probably what is going to happen all the time if-"

Sebastian stops before he can finish the sentence.

From the little light in his eyes, Kurt can tell Sebastian is shocked that he almost let it slip. Therefore, he thinks he knows what he meant. It's as if Sebastian is trying hard not to cross lines, but he just can't, and now Kurt is left with wondering and in need of answers.

"Sebastian." He rests his hand on the table, looking at Sebastian who is momentarily biting his lower lip and looking anywhere not to meet his gaze. "I need to know something." Sebastian sighs, looking like he is panicking inside.

He doesn't say anything, just nods. Kurt guesses it's okay for him to speak then, so he breathes in and lets go.

"Let's face the situation the way it is. It doesn't make any sense to pretend it's not happening after today. Do you agree?" Sebastian nods, pressing his lips together and looking hesitating. "Fine. This thing between us changes everyday. I can feel it inside me and I know it's always different. I know the same goes for you too because-" He stops to look down at where Sebastian is reaching for his hand on the table, fingers tangling up. He looks up again and wonders if maybe Sebastian actually tried to take his hand when they were walking earlier. "B-because you're doing all these things I don't get and-"

"Do you mind?" Sebastian asks doubtfully as he lifts an eyebrow.

"No!" Kurt says immediately, Sebastian's hand squeezing his. "No, I don't. Please, don't question that." Sebastian looks a little calmer. "Everything would actually be pretty amazing if it wasn't so confusing. There's something …"

"Your question." Sebastian shrugs. "Okay, there's something you wanted to ask. I'm listening."

Kurt tries not to look hysterical at the way Sebastian seems calm. It's harder for him to relax apparently.

"I'm afraid that …" He bites his lower lip for starting in such a dumb way. "I mean, you're not doing this only because-"

"No one ever cuddled me after?" Sebastian smirks smugly, his face looking so much more familiar now. Kurt nods, charmed by it. "No, Kurt, that's not the case at all. It's not that. It's … it's you."

Kurt looks struck at that, but he still forces a smile. It's better than feeling paralyzed as a sudden wave of happiness washes over him, exploding in his chest.

"It's not about cuddling. It might seem stupid and I can't explain it but I feel something inside everytime we quarrel, insult each other or when you cook dinner for me and pretend it's just an awkward coincidence with time and portions. I come back home and I find something to it, it might have been a week, but it already feels like something we've been doing forever." Sebastian takes a long breath, realizing he might be talking too fast. "I tried … I tried not to think about it during the last few days, to justify this with stupid reasons, like that you're a girl, so you'd be a perfect housewife. But it's not working anymore, it hurts when I'm not capable of finding any excuses to justify the fact that I'm falling for you."

Kurt is startled by the words, he squints and shakes his head to try and get more conscious over what is happening. Sebastian is already speaking again though, not giving him the time to ponder about it.

"I constantly feel like I'm about to explode and not from anger, like I did before. I feel like I need to tell you I don't need excuses anymore and that confuses me." He strokes the back of Kurt's hand with his thumb, never interrupting the eye-contact. "Kurt." He scoots in, the distance between them suddenly reduced. "Tell me you can feel it too."

Kurt looks into his eyes, parting his lips to reply, but Sebastian cuts in once more.

"Tell me you wanted to hold my hand down the street too. Tell me you wanted to reach out and touch my lips with your thumb to brush off crumbs when we were at lunch. Tell me you have no idea what's written on these books because you couldn't think of anything that isn't me." Sebastian almost sounds begging, like he's trying to convince Kurt. Kurt doesn't think he needs to. "Tell me you feel it too. Tell me that everytime I touch you, you feel like burning all the excuses and just kiss me. Because I want that. I want it so, so much." His voice cracks at the end of it, and Kurt's chest is practically aching by now. "I want to kiss you."

"Kiss me then." Kurt whispers before he can help it.

And Sebastian does.

He leans in until his mouth reaches for Kurt's, their fingers still tangled between them, a soft delicate press that makes Kurt feel like crying of happiness. He groans against Sebastian's mouth at the feeling. He wants to say something, anything, but his heart is beating so fast after so long and Sebastian is lifting his other hand to stroke Kurt's cheekbone with his thumb.

That's when Kurt surrenders and lets go.

A single tear streams along his face, wetting Sebastian's thumb. When the other boy realizes, he pulls away, looking into Kurt's eyes with concern in his own.

"Fuck." He groans. "I knew I'd screw up. Tell me what it is, I can-"

"Dumbass." Kurt says quietly over his lips, an inch away from those tempting lips. "How the hell can you even think you did something wrong?" He sobs and smiles. "I feel it too." Sebastian's fingers press just a little on his face. "I thought … I thought I imagined that you wanted to take my hand and-"

"You didn't." Sebastian is grinning too, but he still looks hesitating. "Shit, I so want to insult your face for what you're doing to me."

Kurt smiles back, his eyes wet with tears and that amazing sensation of freedom spreading inside him.

"Go take a rope and let's go to bed." He tugs him as he tries to free his hand from Sebastian's fingers. "So you can insult me."

Sebastian pulls him closer though, nuzzling at the tip of his nose, still looking into his eyes.

"I don't want you to tie me." He whispers and Kurt swears he can see his eyes getting a little wet too. "We're already tied up together." He lifts their hands between them, enjoying the way Kurt looks there. "Don't think you can run away because you know the little invisible string between us? I chose that very strong so that it won't break."

Kurt turns to him again, pressing a tiny kiss on his lips and staring while Sebastian smiles happily.

"I'm not running. Not anymore." He says and Sebastian kisses him again.

The wave of happiness and excitement lasts till the next day, when he throws away that rope. Sebastian tells him they could keep it to play with sometimes, they end up insulting each other a little and then go out together for a walk in the park, hand in hand.

_Tied up together._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I know it's not a great, but I did write it more than a year ago. Thank you so much for reading.


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